I am so exaushted. Like I actually don't know how I'm holding myself up enough to type. The physical exauhstion is mingling wrong with the mental exauhstion. I mean like okay, I'm hurting physically. My back hurts, my head is throbbing and my hands are shaking so bad they ache. Anxiety, my friends, is a hell of a drug. But in also hurting fairly badly mentally. How could he just assume, that just because he adds me back on snapchat, and just because he had a family member pass away, which I am so sorry about, my heaviest condolences to the family, that I would just come crawling back to him? Just because for the past 9 months, I've cried, and cried about how much I miss him and how much I love him, that it would only take a little bit to get me back? Because he's probably right..i mean I don't want to go back. I don't wanna go back down that hole. That ship has sailed. It means nothing to me anymore..but..im really tired of being alone..im really tired of hurting..and even though it's gonna cause me more pain then good..is it better than this? Is being with him, a man, who killed me inside, who turned me into something I'm not..who broke my heart and my idea of love altogether..is that worth more then being alone anymore? I'm not sure. Because now, I'm at an impasse. I'm really tired of feeling this way..so why not experience a different type of pain?
