I am trying so fucking hard to stay calm and not completely flip my shit and it's actually getting easier as the days go by. I feel like either I'm pulling away or they are, like I feel like the distance isn't only determined by physical distance. It's also determined by the soul and the heart and the brain. I think it's me. I'm so used to pushing people away that when I begin to pull them close, it gets a little overbearing. I don't mean to do it. I'm just scared of abandonment. The trusting is getting so so much easier though, in fact, I have full trust currently. Except when I get ignored or I don't get a response. Then my head wanders. My mind begins to torture my heart and it hurts to be honest. But I know none of it's true. I know for a fact that I don't have to worry to much.
