I am trying so hard to push all these ridiculous thoughts away because im trying to learn how to trust again and im trying to learn how to believe again but fuck its so fucking hard to do that when all i get in my head is past experiences. Its hard when i notice everything from a tone change to attitude change from one day to the next. I notice. Fucking. Everything. And it causes me to overthink. But i keep reminding myself that its fine that everything is working out perfectly fine. But damn. I just wish they would stop. You'd think after everything that i would be fine. I was and am so fucking happy with my life. But why do i feel like i still need to be careful? Why does my heart say to stop and it throws up red flags everywhere? Why do i still feel like its not real?
