Here's something I haven't talked about. Sex. We all know what it us. We all probably enjoy it. Here's the difference between me and most people, I don't put sex and feelings into the same category. Like, I can have sex, and not have to worry about getting attached to someone. Fucked up right? Well we can thank my shitty past for that. I guess I got so used to be treated like a toy that, thats what I became. An emotionless, sex crazed toy. And then I started knowing my worth and I stopped that shit real quick. But here's my dilemma. I don't see sex as an act of expressing emotions. I see sex as a stress relief. And I've been called a whore, I've been told that I have no soul and I've been shunned for saying that. But it's true. I feel like it's easier to have no emotions than to have to many. But life doesn't work that way because sometimes I'll feel that twinge in my heart that tells me that it's more then just sex. And I push it away and tell it to go to hell because I don't want it to be. Any more then sex, I mean. There's already to many problems right now and all that would do is cause more. But, when the time comes that I can think that freely and be able to feel that without having to hide it...thats gonna be my new favorite memory. Because that means life did a complete 180 and gave me the one thing I really, really want in this world.
