I wonder what its gonna take for me to remind myself, that its okay to feel like this. That its okay to want to be fun and adventurous and do dumb shit and play my music to loud, and drive around for hours with my best friend and not a care in the world. How much longer do I have to torment myself into being the good girl everyone sees me as? Or that I actually am? I feel like i'm dull, almost lifeless, because I never really do anything bad. I get a little crazy sometimes and I can be wild if i'm comfortable with the surrounding people, but other then that, I'm just the good girl who does her college work, and listens to sad songs about romance and then listens to some hype ass rap music to stop feeling sorry for myself. I do that a lot. Feel sorry for myself, I mean. I don't even mean to its just an automatic reaction. I'm so happy right now and i'm psyching myself out into thinking the worst, but here's the thing. I have already had my worst. And the best things in life, usually come after the worst mistakes of your life. So i'm finally, allowing it. I'm allowing myself to feel happy for me, and to feel happy in general, because honestly, who is ever gonna love someone who constantly feels bad for themselves, always pulls pity parties, and never trusts anyone? From experience, I will tell you. No one.
