I'm tired of pushing people away but I don't know how to stop. It's a defense mechanism. When I feel like I'm about to get hurt, or heartbroken, I purposefully, shove people as far away as I can. I hate it. But I guess it's just to see who will pull me closer in the end. The nightmares are getting worse. This pain in my chest and the pressure in my head is starting to cause me to not want to get out of bed. I know what's wrong with me. I know why I feel this way. I wish I could fix it overnight. But I can't. Hi full force depression. Hi loneliness. It's been a long time.
