Ah. Lonliness. Its not so bad when you get used to it. Once the initial shock of everyone leaving you and you're world falling to pieces ends, it's almost peaceful. Its almost like, now, nothing can hurt you. Of course, it sucks. When you're having a party, or it's your birthday or Christmas comes around, it's pretty sad. Almost pathetic, even. But every other day is fine. Its the same thing over and over again. Wake up, feed the dogs, clean, shower, school work, and then get back in bed. And stay there. All day. Every day. Its almost routine. And it's not bad to have a routine is it? As much as I crave human attraction, it's fairly obvious that that's not for me. I don't know if it's my looks. It might be. I have a very strong feeling it is. It might just be the fact that my issues are to much for people to handle. And that's fine. My own mother can't handle them, why would anyone else try to? Or it's the fact that I'm very much in love with someone I shouldn't be. And it's causing them to pull away from me. Withdrawal is a better word for it. I don't mean to say the things I do. I don't mean to have fucking feelings. Trust me, I might not regret loving them, but I really wish it was as easy to stop loving them as it was to start. And of course it has to be one of my..well...my only...friend, and all I keep doing is fucking up. So maybe it's best that I stay completely and totally alone. That way, when things go south, or when I go south...no one will get hurt. No one will feel any pain or sorrow. So yeah. Its for the best.
