What keeps you going? Think about that for a second. Think about where you were a year ago and where you are now. If a year ago, you were better off, then you changed something that should've stayed the same. If you're better, something changed you. A year ago, I was miserable with my life. All I ever did was cry and I never got out of bed. I didn't go anywhere. I didn't have a job. I was a heavy alcoholic. And I wanted to die. Lately I've been taking advantage of how good my life is and how wonderful it is to be alive. Lately I have been bitchy and rude and batshit crazy. Laty, I haven't been myself. But also lately, I started a new job. A job that requires me waking up at 6 am and not coming home until 5 pm. I also just lost a family member. One who I was close to when I was younger but we drifted apart and I'll regret that for the rest of my life. But he's not in pain anymore. He's no longer hurting. I also met a guy. Yes, the same guy I've been writing about because I can't think about anyone else. He keeps me sane. Stable. He puts me in my place when I need it. He doesn't take my shit. He doesn't degrade me either. He doesn't tell me I'm not worth the fight. He tells me let's take a break from it so we can come back we not only don't have to fight but we've already won. He pushed me to learn how to love myself and make myself be proud of who I am, what I look like, and he pushes me to be great. A year ago, I was stuck with someone who called me average, who never told me I looked nice and who was satisfied with me not working at all and is house hopping for the rest of our lives. This year, even though he's not technically mine, I have someone who tells me whenever I'm feeling insecure that I'm gorgeous. He tells me I'm unique or special and sometimes a crackhead. And he wants nothing but the biggest and the best for us. That's the difference a year makes. If I would've stayed with the first guy, I would died. With this one, I'm going to do nothing but live.
