Need Me; Taekook

Thirty Five

(Jimin)

      I'm crying so hard I can't stop shaking as I crawl under the sheets with Jungkook. Im afraid to wake him up but I need comfort and someone that actually gives a fuck about me.
      I can't believe Hoseok straight up lied to Tae and told him I made it all up! I was raped by his boyfriend and he just fucking defended him! H-how could he do this to me? Right in front of me...
       I attempt to muffle my sobs but Jungkook rolls over and squints at me. "Jimin? You okay?" He pulls me into his arms and just lets me cry.
       "N-no. No, I'm really not okay, Kookie. I don't want to talk about it." Sniffling.
       He yawns. "Alright. Do you know where Tae went?"
       My stomach twists as I think about how much shit Hoseok is probably talking about me right now. It hurts. It hurts so fucking bad. All I've ever wanted in my life was just affection. I never got a lot of it growing up. My eomma was the only one there for me but when she passed...it broke me.
       I was left homeless and poor. Because of the way I look, people forces drugs and alcohol down my throat and used my body, sometimes giving me money others just giving me food and a place to sleep for the night.
       It was a miserable life but I made it. Then I came here. I fell in love with Hoseok. The only person I've ever desperately wanted to get close to but of course he was already taken. I don't think he ever realized that I knew him outside of this place.
        I remember seeing him at different parties and clubs. He was just as fucked up but it was always Yoongi's fault. Wanting to control and possessive him. He carted him around like a fucking prize while treating him like shit and sleeping around constantly.
       I know. I was one of those hookups. I wasn't even eighteen yet when Yoongi got his hands on me. I never told anyone. Never. He ruined me. Destroyed me. Played me. Broke me. He'd fuck me brutally all the whole hurling insults at my body and face and everything that makes me me...
       Then I came here and tried to appeal to Hoseok, begging him to see me and not his monster of a boyfriend. But of course I'm nothing to him. He'd rather defend that trash than me. He saw it with his own eyes!
       "With H-Hoseok, I think." I whisper, clinging to my only friend in this entire world. The only one I know I can trust.
       "I'm here if you need to talk." He says, kissing my wet cheek.
       "Thank you. F-for not leaving me or hurting me like everyone else. Even though I was really fucked up to you..."
        "It's okay. Everyone makes mistakes, Minie. I'm not abandoning you." He reassures me.
       The door opens and I pale Hoseok peaks in. "Jimin. C-can I talk to you?" He asks timidly. How does he have the fucking nerve to show his face to me?!
       "Fuck off!" I yell, burrowing closer to Jungkook. My safety net. His arms tighten around me in confusion.
       Hoseok's expression tightens. "Please, Jimin. Let me explain. Please."
      Swallowing hard, I take in his request. Nothing like officially closure, I guess. Knowing once and for all how much of nothing I am to him. After everything...
      I wipe my eyes and leave the bed despite Kookie's protests. Steeling myself, I walk in a unused room and realize it's now his. All his belongings are here and not in Yoongi's room.
       I wrap my arms around myself and wait. Nervous and sick to my stomach. "What do you have to say?"
       He sits down on the bed and drops his face in his hands. He looks terrible but I refuse to feel guilty or remorse. I'm tired of being used and walked on.
       "I'm sorry about what I did in there. I w-was going to go to Taehyung about Yoongi last night but he threatened me." Tears shine in his eyes. "He knew some things about me and was going to reveal them. I c-couldn't handle it."
       I tense up. "What changed?"
      "I told Taehyung everything. What Yoongi really did to you and probably to others. What he's done to me for years. And...and about blackmail. I told him what I d-did." He stutters.
       I open my mouth but he waves at me to stop. I close it again.
       "Jimin...I did something to you. Something so fucking awful that I just want to kill myself. I've considered it constantly since it happened but I'm weak. Yoongi always in my ear whispering his stupid words of 'wisdom' and I was just too weak to ignore him and do the right thing." He breaks down, sobbing in his hands.
       I unfreeze and sit down across from the bed. Blinking back my own tears. "W-What did you do?"
      He tries to compose himself. "I...uhh...I'm the r-reason...I'm the reason you're eomma was killed. I left you alone and didn't do anything to help you. Fuck, I'm so sorry. I deserve to be in prison right now. I can never apologize or make up for what I've done."
       I thought his confession would make me angry. Would make my hate grow but to be honest...I feel relieved. "I know you did." I whisper. I know he was the one that hit my eomma. Yoongi bragged about it many times in my ear while he fucked me.
       I've cried it all out. All I've ever wanted was Hoseok's acknowledgement. Some sign he's sorry for that he did. I know how scary it is being caught in Yoongi's trap. I know that he did terrible things. I hate how my life turned out but that's not all of his fault.
       My eomma's death was just the last nail in the head that led me down a dangerous road. I was already on the threshold anyway. He just gave me that push.
       His head snaps up and he stares at me in incomprehensible shock. "Y-you know? What do you mean you know! Why have you never said anything?!"
        I lower my gaze. "Right after her funeral, Yoongi told me. He told me that you two were the ones that killed her and if I ever did anything about it, I'd end up just like her. Useless dirt in the ground."
       He gasps and moves to my side faster than I can breathe. He wraps his arms around me. "I'm so sorry, Jimin. I w-wanted to do something but he wouldn't let me. It's no excuse but it's true. I don't deserve your forgiveness but please..."
       I hesitantly hug him back. "I know you were on drugs. I w-was there that night. In that party. You could barely stand and I saw him put you in the driver's side because he was too fucking lazy to drive home. It's not your fault, Hoseok." My tears well up and swell again.
        He sobs, his body shaking from the force of his immense pain. "I'll never forgive myself. I can't." He cries.
       I try to clear my throat. "I f-forgive you. It's all Yoongi's fault anyway." I whisper.
      "I don't care. It was me. I've never been able to face your properly. It's why I've always tried to keep my distance but...but I just couldn't sometimes. You're my comfort, Jimin. You've always been here for me through my pain but I've given you nothing."
       I force a pained smile. "Can you be here for me now?"
       He nods, taking my hands. I'm surprised as his salty wet lips press against mine. "I promise you...you won't regret your choice to forgive me. I'll do anything. Anything." He vows, cupping my face.
       My hands raise to his. Our gazed locked. "W-will you finally see me? Really see me—the real me? Not the superficial whore that everyone else sees." I plead.
       He used his thumbs to wipe my tears. "I do see you, Jimin. I'm sorry for what I said in there. I didn't mean it. You're not a whore. I've never thought that about you."
       My heart clenches. "Hosoek..."
       "Mhm?"
       "I'm in love with you." I didn't mean to blurt that out but now it can't be unsaid. My eyes widen in fear at rejection.
       He blinks. "R-really? Even after..."
      "Y-Yeah." I admit.
       I expect him to laugh or look away in disgust. He does what I don't expect...he pulls me into his arms and kisses me gently like I'm fragile. Like I'm broken. Because I am. We both are.
        We both need each other.