Titania's Love Story

Chapter 9: He doesn't know how I feel

This morning I was feeling some type of way after I read his new chapter it got me thinking a lot while I was walking to school half raining even tho it was cold as fuck but who cares not me. Reading that last part how could I that made my blood boil. 'How could I do that to him? Tch how could he do that to me! He hurts me a lot more then I hurt him and he don't fucking realize it! He's suck an idiot! ' I yelled and growled cause really he don't understand how the fuck I feel. Every since I started to have crush then started dating someone I always get hurt, used or cheated on. But what does really hurts me a lot, he tells me he don't cheat but the stuff he does and no one tells me it kinda is like cheating, feel like everyone is protecting me from getting hurt. Tch I'm a tough girl I've been hurt and cheated one also used but this.. This took it to a whole new level, this is the true time I've been with someone for a long time and I feel like he's using my kindess as a weakness. He can't be mad at me for being gone and he does shit to get back at me revenge isn't always the answer even if it has to deal with true love in a relationship, Matt is a baka and his stupid moments at times but he understood how I felt, felt my pain, the mini heart attack I been having, and other emotions then he will understand. But in a way he don't, I can see it and I'm not blind, he don't take in how I feel bout him being drunk when he did they shit the first but kept going at it, when he's drunk he does crazy shit but when was drunk and fucked someone my guts told me it might be something but I pushed it A-side. I try to show my love to him as much as I can. But it's a struggle ans hard for me cause I never felt true love before ans never had anyone standing by my side before... I was always alone never showed affection to anyone and I was used, cheating and hurt ...thats why I been hurting him and it's of me... It's hard for me cause no ever truly loved me besides my family and friends, I locked away my heart so it wouldn't be broken again by anyone but in the end someone kept it but hurting me at the same time. If he was in my shoes then he would have understand a bit more of I how I feel.

'Could this be what I need right now someone who keep hurting me and not realizing it and don't take my feelings seriously? '

I thought to myself wondering, I scoffed and Shook my head cause deep down I know he dosent ask me things anymore like in the beggining , he doesn't ask I ate, did I sleep okay nor what's wrong with me. I show how i feel are times with my eyed or do something but I can see he doesn't come after when something wrong with me from the inside out... That hurts me he told me not to shut him out but he's the one that's shutting me out and I'm doing the same I try to be there for him but he doesn't want my help. I feel like if he doesn't want my help then he doesn't me either or be in his life when I'm trying to be a good girlfriend and be there for her man but that's not working out right. In my heart I knew when it's telling my something ans something light and true and I'm fighting back the tears that's trying to come out of my eyes.

'What has he done anything for you? You done a lot more then he ever did and he takes your kindess as a wesk spot. When he messes up you forgive him , but when you mess up he doesn't want to forgive. Why would you give him so many chances if he doesn't know how you felt, the pain he put you in, and most of all get mad so easy at you and other things but never asked why. He doesn't check on you like that anymore now does he? '

I knew my heart was talking to me and it was right what has he done for me beisdes everything else. I've shown my love by posting, finding songs, writing poems, and all that yes I have his intial on my page and more but not a single one he made a post for me like I did to him.

'I wonder should I just distance myself and ay from him that's how he makes me feel alot spacing myself from him ....he said we was perfect for each other but are we really? He don't know how I feel.... '