Burning up ☞︎ A Jesse st. James Fan Fic

The Quarterback

I wake up... puffy faced and red. I had been crying all night, Jesse holding me, trying to comfort me. But no one could... he was gone. I let the tears fall on their own, feeling numb as Jesse helps me stand though my knees are week. He leads me to my suitcase and helps me into my black dress.

"Come on, Love. We have to walk to the bathroom." Jesse says softly and quietly. He holds my arm and guides me into his bathroom. I look up at my face, or what looks to be my face. Everything is swollen, the tears won't stop falling, and my hair looks worse then Blains hair at prom. Jesse carefully brushes my hair and helps me with my makeup. I move numbly, I feel void without him...

"Ready to go?" He whispers. I nod and will the tears to stop. We ride to McKinley quietly. I haven't spoken since I got the call from Carole... I've merely cried and cried, falling into the deepest pit of despair anyone has ever known.

Jesse holds my hand tightly as we walk into the auditorium. I sit down and listen to everyone who's come, sing 'season of love' which simply makes the sobs coming out of me, uncontrollable. Jesse holds me tightly against his chest. I eventually calm down and sit back down in my chair as I watch them sing.

Kurt leaves for three weeks and then tells me he's coming back for the memorial. I couldn't stand going back to school. Not when this has happened... it's been three weeks and I still cry just as much. Jesses having me say at least a sentence a day but even that's hard. I just keep thinking... what was the last thing I said to him? When was the last time I hugged him or told him how much I loved him. I keep thinking how a man I've known and loved since I was five... is no longer here.

When Jesse and I walk into the choir room I hear multiple people gasp... I haven't really seen anybody since it happened. I quietly walk, sitting next to Kurt, Jesse sitting next to me. I watch with dreary eyes as Mr. Shue writes his name on the board. Tears fall but I don't cry out, my lip doesn't quiver. I'm numb.

"I'm really glad so many of you could make it back for this." Mr. Shue says sincerely.

"We wouldn't miss it for anything Mr. Shue." Mike is the only one to answer.

"The funeral was for everyone, but I wanted to do something just for us. To memorialize him the only way we know how- by singing. All week long. Anyone who wants to can come up and sing. Maybe a song he sung, maybe something that reminds you of him..." Mr. Shue instructs, going to lit in the audience.

"Singing isn't going to bring him back." Noah says harshly. I cry harder. I haven't talked nor looked at Noah since it happened. He was the only one who knew him as long as I did and I am terrified, that if I look at Noah, I won't climb out of this depression. But do I even want to?

"No, it's not. Nothing is. Not ever. But... for two minutes or so, we can all maybe remember the best parts of him. So, think of what you want to sing, if you want to sing and we'll start tomorrow." Mr. Shue informs.

"Oh, I-I can't wait until tomorrow, Mr. Shue. I've been bawling for three weeks. If I don't get this all out now, I don't think I'll ever stop crying." Mercedes says, going to tell brad what song she's singing.

"Sure Mercedes, start us off." Mr. Shue says kindly.

"Um... I, uh, remember Finn telling me that he sang this song to his baby's sonogram. Well, he thought it was his baby. He was one of the first cool kids to be nice to any of us, and he was... our leader in here. We love you, Finn." Mercedes says, choking up, looking up into the sky. I look away, desperately trying to stop crying as 'I'll stand by you' begins.

Mercedes:
Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'Cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less