The Wrong Best Friend

Chapter Fifty Four: Then There's That Kind Of Love

CHAPTER 54: Then There's That Kind Of Love.

"I can't help falling in love with you."
-Elvis Presley.

I feel the awkwardness of last night's events creep in even before I fully open my eyes. I feel a steady pounding headache course through my entire body, thrumming with every breath I took. Groaning I lift my hands to cover my eyes as the sunlight of yet another day sinks through the open curtains billowing in the morning breeze. I feel nauseous, I don't even remember drinking so much. Sucks being a lightwieght.

My cheeks start to burn hotly when all the memories rush in, in sudden waves. I kissed him, I literally kissed him without asking and then I kissed him again. I don't remember coming home, I don't remember anything except for kissing him. Frustrated I run my hands through my hair, tugging them harshly before hopping in the shower letting the warm water cascade all my humiliation away.

The day passes by slowly, lazy morning blurring into a lazy afternoon and evening, lounging in the livingroom watching re-runs and crappy movies. I avoid a particular neighbour like the plague but somewhere in the back of my mind, I know I have to face him one way or another. It's time I stop running away and face everything head on. I can't wait to put everything behind me and apologize to him once and for all.

Next morning in no time I find myself surrounded by the familiar comfort of old book smell and Martha's perfume which oddly reminds of fresh rain. I thought working here, I will eventually get used to it but everytime I step in it hits me right in the face. We work in silence, she acknowledges me with a warm smile before going back to reading and I slide in the newly arrived books before arranging the cards.

"So Martha.." I begin causing her to place the book in her hand upside down on the desk. She hums in reply letting me know I have her attention.

"How hard is apologizing?"

She furrows her brows and gives me a funny look but I know she gets me. I tap the cards twice on the desk before sliding a yellow elastic band to keep them in place.

"I like to think it's a matter of pride. The more down to earth you are, the easier it is for you to accept your mistakes."

I hum. "But what if it still isn't enough?"

She gives me a knowing smile. "Let's make it easier. It is also kind of like acceptance. The other party knows you made a mistake and they even forgive you for it but they are simply waiting for you to accept it, because sometimes apologizing means forgiving yourself."

"How so?" I ask confused.

"You know you made a mistake, you blame yourself and you think you don't deserve their forgiveness. But apologizing means getting them to forgive you and getting you to forgive yourself. It is something that is earned by both sides."

"You're too deep." I groan massaging my temples but I had an idea what she was getting at. So I should forgive myself for hurting Luke before asking him to forgive me, that way we both earn forgiveness. What good it is if we get others to forgive us but can't even do the same to ourselves. It's kind of like learning to love ourselves first before loving someone else.

"But a genuis." I add smirking when I fully understand her.

"The most natural thing in this world is to make a mistake but to correct that mistake is what makes us human. Don't ever let the guilt of your mistakes stop you from making things right. Don't let it be the judge of who you are. Ask your heart what is right and when it whispers back.." she dramatically pauses to lean her face towards me. "Own to that voice."