Mercy please, save me

Chapter 17

"You didn't visit in the past 3 months, Sweet."

I stopped myself doing back in fort on my sit and look at Dra. Cynthia. I had a panic attacks and Aling Salie panicked because she can't make me calm down so she called Dra. Cynthia, my therapist. She's on leave and told Aling Salie to go in her house instead in the clinic.

Dra. Cynthia Evangelista is an simple kind looking woman, with her glasses and bob hair. She's really simple but elegantly beautiful. Her look doesn't justify her age. She's in her middle 40's like Mommy. She is one of my Mom's friend.

"And you already run out of medicine. What happen?"

"I don't need it. I thought.." dumako ang aking mata sa aking palad na may benda pa rin. Hindi na nga ba talaga?

Nasa library kami at nakaupo ito sa harap ng lamesa samantalang ako'y nakaupo sa harap nito. Sa tingin ko'y dito siya nagpapalipas at dinadala ang ilang pasyente kung wala siya sa hospital katulad ko. Kahit gabing-gabi na ay tinanggap pa rin ako.

"I'm willing to listen, Sweetie." nakangiting sabi nito saakin.

I met her after ate Beatrice's death. The last time that I spoke was when I called mother and told her about Ate. After that I never uttered a word. I was absent for two months in school, firstyear highschool that time. They said because I was too shocked of what happen. I visits regularly Dra. Cynthia until I spoke again and can finally attend school.

She helps me a lot. Helped me to handle the trauma and panic. Nevertheless, I can't tell her all my demons. I still afraid of it, afraid if people learn all my fears, afraid to all of it, to all of them.

The everyday visit become three times a week. Four times a month until it became once a month. And I didn't see her for the past 3 months. I want to live normal too. Like how a normal people do.

"I just forgot to take some meds.." sabi ko dito which is totoo naman. Minsan nga lang ay sinasadya ko na. I'm tired of it.

"Sweet, you know that you shouldn't forget it, right? Where is Angela by the way? Aren't you with her?" napaiwas ako ng tingin at napatitig sa isa sa mga picture frame sa dingding.

It was Dra. Cynthia with two man. They are smiling widely in the camera and two of them are wearing a white coat and one man is wearing coat and tie. I assume it's her brothers. Magkakamuka at hindi gaanong nagkakalayo ang edad.

"She's not yet home." saka ibinalik ang tingin sa Doctor. Napakunot ang noo at napaisip.

"Kailan pa?"

"Two or more weeks ago?"

Tumango ito saakin at inayos ang salamin. Ilang tanong pa ay pinakawalan na ako. Hindi ko sinabi ang tungkol sa bulaklak at card. I don't want to talk about it. At laking pasalamat ko ng hindi rin nabanggit ni Aling Salie ang patungkol doon habang kausap ang doctor at hinabilinan ng kung ano-ano.

Dra. Cynthia wants us to stay in her mansion but I insisted. Hindi naman ako makakatulog dito. So she let us go at pinahatid na lang sa driver.

Dumiretso ako sa kwarto at nakita ang bulaklak sa kama ko. Thinking about him giving me chills and panic. He'll come back but why?

Our father is half American and half Spanish. We both know Ate and I have a resemblance with our mother. That innocent and almost a fragile look. The difference is Ate Beatrice always smile, jolly and naturally kind and humble to everyone that makes her an angel. While me have that cold aura and mysterious look. Like what they said a living mannequin or doll. Isama na hindi naman ako pala imik sa mga hindi kakilala. We might be look like a twin, the happiness and the sandness, or the spring and winter but I'm so sure that one look to my father everyone will knew I'm the girl version of him.