Mercy please, save me

Chapter 13

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?"

Umiling ako habang nagiinat at humihikab kay Faith.

Lumingon ako sa wallclock at magaalasiyete na ng umaga. Nakauniform na si Faith at ready na para pumasok.

"Call me if you change your mind.. Aalis na kami."

Tumango na lamang ako at pumikit ulit. Narinig ko naman nagbukas at nagsarado ang pinto.

Hindi naman nagtagal ay narinig ko na ang ingay nila Bernarad, Ihshi at Faith sa labas at harurot ng sasakyan. Hindi na sila nakapagpaalam saakin siguro'y ang alam ay tulog pa ako. Sabi ni Faith ay mas maagang umalis ang kambal hindi rin daw niya namalayan kay manang lang nakapagpaalam at naunang naman ng bahagya sakanila si Ruru.

Gustuhin ko man umidlip pa ay hindi ko naman na magawa. Naupo na lang ako at tumitig sa kawalan. Nahagip ng aking mata sa lamesita ang mga regalo nila mamaya ko na lang aayusin yun. Mabilis naman akong napatingin saaking kamay at nakita ang bracelet. I knew it was real.

Our late night talk while I was still tipsy and sleepy. When he held my hand and his gift. Its very simple rosegold but elegant with a small cresent moon. Napabuntong hininga ako at dinama ang mabilis na pintig ng dibdib. I know this is bad.

Nagpasiya na akong maligo at agad na makaalis. Hindi ako pumapasok kinabukasan ng kaarawan ko kung may pasok man para sakanya.

Suot ay white long sleeved dress at pinaresan ko ng itim na conversed. Dala ang madalas kong bitbit sakanya.

Mabilis lang ang naging byahe ko. Kinawayan ako ng guard sa entrance at sinuklian ko naman ito ng tipid ng ngiti.

Nang maiayos ko na ang sapin, agad akong naupo at inilapag ang bulaklak saka ko sinindihan ang kandila.

"I miss you.." nakangiti kong sabi habang hinimas ang pangalan niya.

A loving memory of
Beatrice Cardenal Leveque
1995-2013
Rest in Peace

"Wala si Mommy, out of the country. Don't be mad at her she's still in the process of moving on. Sorry, kung ako nanaman lang ang dadalaw sayo.."

It's her 6th death Anniversary. The reason why I don't want to celebrate my birthdays, mas pinaghahandaan ko ang pagbisita sakanya. Pero kapag nandiyan si Mommy ay dalawa kaming pumupunta pero sandali lang because of Mom. I know hindi niya pa rin matanggap ang pagkawala ni ate at sinisisi niya ang sarili niya.

"I was happy yesterday." sabi ko at naglabas ng pagkain at inumin. This is how I celebrate my birthday and her death anniversary from the past year. I'll spend my whole day with her.

"It was a slumber party. Nadagdagan ng kaybigan si Ihshi, Bernard, Jared and Johann. They're loud, so talkative but kind. They can make me laugh at all times.."

Inilabas ko rin ang picture frame kung saan kuha noong birthday niya. Her 18th birthday. She's smiling widely wearing white sleeveless fitted dress. She's like a goddes with her curly hair na katulad kay Mommy. Beside her is a 12 years old me with a very short hair and bangs hugging her. Kagagaling niya lang sa galaan with her friends at umuwi to celebrate naman kasama kami ni Mommy.

"You're turning 24 next month. Do you have a wish? If you'll ask me that Greg guy.. I told you, ate, I don't have any idea who he is!" natatawa kong sabi.

The night we found her hanging I saw three letters in her bed. For mommy, for the guy named Greg and for me. Ibinigay ko kay Mommy ang kanya at itinabi ang dalawa. I asked mommy if she knew guy named Greg but she doesn't have any idea.