Mercy please, save me

Chapter 39

"Ma'am Sweet.."

Napaigtad ako mula sa pagkakaupo nang marinig ang katok sa pintuan ng kwarto.
I think I will never get used to it. Every sound feels frightening to me now. Ang katok, pagkabagsak ng pintuan, ang alarm, pagbagsak ng ilang gamit ko sa lamesa. Sudden sounds always feels like mini heart attack to me. The aftermath of that night. I started to take all my medicines. Thank god, I stil have those especially for my insomia. The memories won't let me sleep.

I don't even have the courage to ask about what happen to Ate Yanna's body or wake. She must be cursing me right now where ever she is. I'll accept it anyway, she should be here and enjoying her life but no, because of me. All I can do is pray that she'll go and accept to heaven's gate. I believe she deserves it.

"She's almost done." masungit na sagot ng baklang nagaayos saakin.

Bagong makeup artist ang nasa harapan ko ngayon. He looks strict and not even talking to me like Ate Yanna. Well, he's Sheryl's friend, I guess. They were laughing when they both arrived and his smile vanished when he staired at me and started to do his job.

One more apply of dark red lipstick and I'm good to go. He made me stand up and look myself into my full body size mirror.

As day by day. My eyes lose it's color, no energy just dull that made my whole aura more cold. My make up changed from how Ate Yanna do it, simple but elegant. She's stick to nude colors to orange or light shade strawberry for my lips that she copied from the color of doll she said she saw somewhere. Far from that is now dark red lips, contour which enhanced my cheek bone and pointed nose. He applied some liquid eye to my eye lids that make my eyes more seducing, captivating like what he said but I think it's more like 'sleepy' for me.

I also used to wear long sleeve gown or dresses sometimes with a ribbon in my neck or neckline of the clothe. Are they really trying to make me look like a fucking doll? But as soon as I learned and started to entertained some people my clothes started to be shorter, fitter and more skin to show. That makes me uncomfortable like now.

I'm wearing black longsleeve dress 4 inch above my knee, longsleeve to hide the bruises in my arms I got when they chased us. But it didn't help me not to feel unconfortable if the dress is backless, like my whole back! Hindi ako agad mamatay sa naunang sakit ko kundi sa pulmonya na makukuha ko sa pinasusuot nila saakin! The hem is of the dress if not fitted it's swayed freely everytime I'm move but I think it's very short for me! I want to cursed all of them but I'm too tired to move my lips!

Iginaya ako ng bakla, hindi naman kasi siyang nagbalang magpakilala o nagabala man lang si Sheryl ipakilala siya, pababa ng hagdan hangang makalabas ng bahay hangang sasakyan. I see that they are really serious on guarding me.

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako ng malalim. I really want to escape my life I have now. I don't like luxury, wine and checks. Lalo na ang maiauction!

Inayos pang muli ng bakla ang buhok kong inipon sa kanang bahagi ng muka na siyang bahagyang umaalon saka ako pinasakay na sa sasakyan.

Nasa may bintana si Sheryl saka ako at si Fabian sa tabi ko. Hindi ako nagsasalita buong byahe at wala namang kumausap rin saakin, buti naman dahil wala akong planong sumagot.

I saw my reflection in the mirror on the front seat. First look and I can't reconized myself. I saw my gold earings and some diamonds in it. Yan lang ang hinahayaan kong mapalitan at hindi ang bracelet na suot ko. Hindi ko alam, ayaw ko galawin yun sa pulso ko. Yun lang naman ang gusto nilang tangalin at hindi ang kwintas na binigay ni mommy.

I remember last time, there are some old ladies looking at me until they decided to talk to me. I mean not to me but to Daddy while pointing this necklace. The old ladies can't help to feel amazed and can't even take their eyes to the pendant when Daddy proudly told them that this is one of the heirloom necklace of Emmanuels. The Emmanuel, my grandmother's (mother side) maiden name. Hindi naman nagtagal noon ay umalis na kami nila Daddy at iniwan ang mga babaeng nakatingin pa rin sa kwintas ko.