Hunter: Gods & Monsters

2nd June 2014

The often conversational Mercury Retrograde is getting ready to appear. For you air signs out there, making new friends and meeting new people isn't going to be a problem during this time. Aquarius, you love your freedom, when it comes time to take things to the next level, you often have a little bit of trouble. Mercury is about to make sure of that, so brace yourself. Luckily, other people are more than willing to give you advice about your next move.

Penny just sent me that while calling to tell me our previous chat about hot cartoons counts as a desperate plea from me, to her, about my lack of dating life. Apparently I need to get laid, Michael wouldn't be a bad place to start and since there's another retro thingo happening, it's her advice I should be listening to as per some horoscope app thing she has.

I am tired. 

It has been the longest week, and by week I mean two days and I actually thought she must have seen my texts to Colton so was going to grill about our 'plans'. Instead, I get bombarded with her astrology crap and don't get a word in.

Well, I did eventually get a word in.

First up when she finally asked what I'd been up to, I told her Apollo and Art was back, and the shit of shittest states he's in, as well as how Art and Muz saved his life.

Her concern was almost touching.

At least until she started a new spiel about meeting new people, stepping outside my limited dating pool and doing something spontaneous - with underlying hints about Michael. Again.

Then I told her I kissed Cain while time travelling with Grey.

Of course, she overreacted, then got in a huff for holding all this info from her, so when she then asked for the details and all the goss, I threw in the part him trying to kill me for fun too.

She now thinks I'm better off rating cartoons on their level of hotness, and to make sure I wear some Shugunite or something to help combat the retro event. Instead, I'm taking my own advice and soaking in this tub, avoiding everyone and everything - until I am so wrinkly and unable to hold my drink because my fingers have lost all form of substance. 

I'm also drinking wine out of a pint glass with a straw because I'm at that level of CBF, and if anyone interrupts me from this point on, may I have mercy on their souls.

Elise Bunting
(Lover of Baths)