Hunter: Gods & Monsters

3rd June 2014

Hey Sunshine,

I'm doing this while I can in hope that you get this. You're an old pro at a journal snooping so I'm sure I'll have nothing to worry about. Not only that, but I don't plan or want this to be the way I say goodbye. I just need to say some things. Just in case.

I never told you about the first time we met. It was at the Last Drop ironically enough. I stopped in with another Slayer who had business with the owner, Darius. (Never say any of that coming) Leaving his office, we stopped as he pointed out a girl. A young Hunter that he claimed would be the one to change the world. He told us that you were different and later we would see him turn two other bloodsuckers to dust outside to protect you from their attack on your walk back to the Academy.

You also knocked into me after your third tequila and made me spill my beer. I hadn't really thought about that for a while so once this is over - you owe me a beer.

I wish I could go back to that moment, to see that young, naive Hunter, who was different. I'd want to be her friend, her family, because for so long I had no idea what those words really meant. You made me be a better person, see things differently. You changed MY world. I just wish we had had longer together.

Hindsight is a fucking marvelous thing.

I'm sorry for that time I kidnapped you. Really, I'm sorry for a lot of things. If I could have listened more, given you advice, just helped and been there when I wasn't - well I'm sorry for that too.

If I'm being honest, I'm scared that this is it.

I never really imagined how I'd die. We went through enough rough shit that I figured maybe I was just as invincible as you. I'm going out fighting, know that I am Sunshine. I'm not going to sit and wait. Give up. In some ways I felt like I was already doing that, hiding and waiting. Living a life that wasn't mine. I enjoyed the teaching but I took this case because I enjoy this more. I missed the hunt. I wanted some real action. It's who I am.

Don't, just, don't be sad when I'm gone. Don't blame yourself or question it all. Please don't.

THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.

THERE IS NOTHING YOU COULD HAVE DONE

I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss making you swear at me when I put you through new training exercises. Your mums cooking. Im grateful you gave me things to miss and leave behind. That I'm going to be remembered and there are people who will care that I am gone.

You've nearly died a few times now, you know what's waiting for us on the Otherside. Don't be sad for me. Miss me sometimes, but I'm still around. You don't get rid of me this easily. I promise.

That said, I'm sure I will be seeing you soon enough and all of this is for nothing. And well, even if I don't, I want you to know a few more things.

First of all, it's ok. It's all ok and I'm sorry for leaving, but I am so thankful for all I've ever had and I can with a clear mind. Also thank you. For the good and the bad, all of it, just, Thank You!

I don't think I've ever said this to anyone, even you. I guess now is as good a time as any??? I think so. The wind is easing, it's definitely time to keep moving now....

I love you, Kid.

Z