Whatever Happens |Kyman • Stenny • Creek|

Chapter 24: Cut(e)

"What'd you expect from me?; it's not my fault you'll never be happy; just 'cause you're right doesn't mean I'm wrong; our days were numbered and you knew it all along."

~Kyle's POV~

Friday

Cartman had called me pretty early in the morning to check up on me. Probably around three-thirty or something. We talked on the phone for a little bit, exchanged our "I love you"s, and decided to get some more sleep. I, however, couldn't fall back asleep. Normally when I'm up, it's hard for me to doze off again even with the pills kicking in. I took an extra one just to be safe.

I don't know what was so different about today, but I felt even more like shit than I did yesterday and the day before. It's not just the physical pain from my arm and shoulder. Now, it's just this feeling in my chest that I can't get rid of. The feeling of heartbreak. Sam has taken it too far before, but he actually put me in the hospital this time. I'm scared that it's only going to get worse if I don't do something about it.

Going to the police will be my last resort. I know my Dad's a great lawyer, but I don't want to make this relationship a legal thing. Or at the very least, I don't want to make an appearance in court if I have to testify. I would just want them to arrest him and do something with him without me being around to witness it. Looking at his face alone is enough to make me feel sick to my stomach.

I remember back in the beginning stages of our relationship where everything was just great. It took my friends a little bit to warm up to me being gay, but they got along with Sam. Hell, even Cartman liked him for a little bit. Of course, Cartman's liking for Sam didn't last too long. Cartman wanted to try out for the football team during sophomore year. He was in perfect shape by then. On the day he was going in for tryouts, Sam ended up ruining his chances by badmouthing to the coach about him. He mainly said things along the lines of sexually harassing the guys already on the team and sabotaging football games in the past, even though it was all a bunch of bullshit.

The coach bought into Sam's bullshit, which is why Cartman hates him to this day. It might seem like a trivial reason to hate someone, but we all know Cartman. When it comes to ruining his chances at doing something he wants to do, he doesn't take it lightly.

Over the last year, Sam and Cartman have been rivals to one another. They hate each other more than Cartman and I did when we were kids, and that's saying something. Cartman found the Jew to hate even more than he's ever hated me before.

I'll admit, it feels kind of nice to be friends with him. Yeah we still call each other names, but he sticks up for me now and I do the same for him. We've kind of established a sibling-like relationship together. Well, maybe more than just siblings now. I can almost say we're a couple.

Man, that feels really good to me.

I smiled at the thought of Cartman and I establishing an intimate relationship together. Compared to Sam, he's an upgrade to me. At least he doesn't beat the shit out of me. Well, not anymore anyway. We used to get into fights as kids, but again, we're grown up now. He hasn't beaten me up in a very long time.

Despite feeling happy about what the future holds for me and Cartman, I still felt sad about Sam. I honestly thought he was perfect for me. We loved each other, hung out together all the time, slept over each other's houses every weekend, went on dates. It's hard to remember the last time we even kissed since it's been so long.

In the medicine cabinet in the bathroom were some disposable blades for the razor I use to shave my beard. I don't remember the last time I saw myself with facial hair because I touch it up every day. Sam and I went out for a wax one time, and since then, it has always taken longer for my facial hair to even sprout. It's alright though. I love my youthful looking face. It reminds me of when I was happy as a child.

I held the disposable blade in between my left fingers as tightly as I could possibly hold them. The cast didn't cover my fingers, so at least they were useful.

I moved my right arm close to the blade and pressed them together. Why am I even doing this? I'm not a fucking emo.

Slice.

I slid my right arm downward toward me as it was still tightly pressed against the blade.

Slice.

A second one to add to the new collection.

Slice.

This one was a little bit deeper since blood started pouring out right away. I winced at the pain it caused for just a second, but got over it quickly when the feeling of numbness kicked in.

I found myself sitting on the edge of my bed as I continued tattooing myself with bloody slits.  The cuts were becoming deeper than before after each passing thought of Sam's lies coming to mind.

I love you, Kyle. Slice.

We'll be together forever. Slice.

I'll never hurt you. Slice slice.

No matter how many fights we get into, I'll always love you and never hurt you. Slice slice slice.

A majority of my right arm was covered in cuts. I watched as the blood started dripping down the sides of my arm onto the floor. I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel any better feeling of numbness than I do right now.

"I can't believe you got the best of me; I can't believe I trusted every word you said; it's all finally makin' sense; you took what's left of my innocence; oh no."

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