Victorious Preferences [COMPLETED]

A Simple Guy (André Harris Oneshot)

For kailloud - and for one of the most unproblematic Nickelodeon characters ever to exist, André f-ing Harris. Set in the episode 'Jade Gets Crushed.'

It's midnight in Los Angeles. Birds have stopped chirping; the moon is high in the sky; the only sound is a dull but fast consistent thud...

Wait... what?

You pop your head up from under the covers of your bed, your eyes adjusting to the dark. Downstairs there's a quick succession of knocks at your front door that continues as you roll out of bed, scrabble through the darkness for your dressing gown, fumble down the stairs and open the door to get your ears almost blown off by André:

"HELP ME!"

"André! It's midnight!" you say sleepily, but your friend doesn't care a jot. He walks inside the door and heads straight for your kitchen to dig in your fridge and tear open the emergency triple chocolate Ben & Jerry's. It's only then you realise that he only has a tank top and underwear on.

You close the door and hang onto it for a couple seconds before mustering the energy to walk up to André.
"Uhh, André?"
"Mmhmm," he replies through a stuffed mouth full of ice cream.
You rub your forehead and ask blearily, "No offense but... it's midnight, and you live twenty miles away from my house, and you're in your pyjamas... how am I supposed to take this?"

André pauses, spoon laden with chocolatey goodness frozen in midair. It is then thrown back into the tub as he drops it suddenly and puts his big hands on your slightly swaying shoulders. You look at him; he seems like he has the same face Tori has when she goes into a haunted house.
"Y/N," he begins, and takes a few deep breaths to try to compose himself before he finishes the sentence, "I... I have... I have a crush on Jade!"

Your eyes widen despite your fatigue.
Did you hear that right?
Your chill lovable best friend has become attracted to a girl who cuts heads off of sunflowers and shouts at Cat?

You blink a few times, bewildered.
"How do you know this? What made you think this? How do you know you weren't just high on a new song?"
André takes his hands off your shoulders, causing you to step backwards and him to steady you, and picks up the ice cream tub ready to start pacing the kitchen. Trying to not fall over you lead yourself to a kitchen stool and watch him walk around stuffing ice cream in his face with a worried expression.

"Well, it started when we were doing a song together, you know earlier today when Tori couldn't do it. She started singing, and I was watching her sing, and I wanted to sing but I didn't but I wanted to cuz she was singing, and I know I shouldn't be thinking this cuz it's Jade and she's scary as Hell and Beck's girlfriend but I never noticed how damn beautiful she looks when she sings and... hey, Y/N!"

You hear your name through the dark mist descending and open your eyes slowly to him staring at you in indignance. Oh, you forgot he hadn't left.
"Yeah, sorry, uh, what?"
He sighs and walks toward the tabletop you're leaning on. He sets the tub down and leans over the table to get closer to you.

"I started becoming attracted to Jade cuz she started singing. And she looks so beautiful when she sings. And that scares me, cuz Jade scares me, and I haven't ever seen Beck mad but I'll bet if this gets out he'll scare the chiz outta me too." He looks at you and tucks a braid behind his ear quickly in nerves, "What am I gonna do?"

You shrug, "Sorry, I don't know much about crushes. I just go up and tell them I'm interested then let fate and a considerable amount of flirting take the wheel from there. I've never had to get over anyone like you need to before. I don't know if I can help you much."

André lets out a grunt of frustration and throws his hands up, prompting a sleepy 'shhh' out of you. He looks sorry for a moment then goes back to the problem in hand. He leans back over the tabletop.

"Urgh. I'm a simple guy - I don't need fancy cars or a firsthand bought instrument or a normal grandma. So why do I have to like someone who makes it so complicated? Anyway... so I need to get over her, right?" You nod, rubbing your eyes and propping your chin up with your hand, "So, to do that I need to get another girl to crush on, or I need to write a song-"

"Ooh!" you whisper-shout suddenly, which makes André jump a little. You wriggle over the tabletop a bit more then grin madly.
"There's a party soon on campus, isn't there!"
He nods, "Yeahhh..."
"So," you gesture with your upper arms as your elbows support you on the table, "you can write a song for Jade and perform it there in front of her, but you never mention her name! It's the perfect solution! You can get whatever impulses are flowing through those musical veins of yours out, nobody's feelings or relationships will be hurt, and extra credit!"

André thinks it over while you shuffle backwards into your seat again. You grab a spoon and dig into the remainder of the ice cream, only to have him take it back from you. You help quietly in protest, but ultimately you're too tired to care.

"I think that could work," he says thoughtfully, spoonful of ice cream in the air, "I could write it to have her name in it, then change them all to... I don't know, baby or something. Yeah! Yeah, that could work!"

"Yeah, I know - I thought of it," you reply sarcastically, but André's too pumped now for it to register. He jumps up and lets go of the spoon and tub so they loudly clatter onto the tabletop and make you start.

He runs to the door, opens it, then remembers you and goes over and picks you up for a bear hug. You protest weakly but giggle sleepily, and he carries you to the ajar door and pops you down.

"I know what I have to do! I know!" he exclaims, then kisses the top of your head, "Thank you Y/N! Thank you world! Haha!"
"No problem," you say as you lean against the door. André dances out the door and just before you watch him disappear to find his car you say:

"You know, if you ever need any distraction I'm always here."

He laughs loudly, creating an echo throughout your front lawn.

"I'll never forget, baby. Who knows, maybe I was distracting you from thinking this was a booty call."

You laugh yourself, and before he gets into his car you remark, "Kinda dull booty call, better luck next time!"

You watch him laugh then get in and drive off. You close the door chuckling to yourself, then turn off all the lights and go upstairs to crash onto your bed.

Let's hope this crush is just a 48-hour thing; it would be a nightmare if it were, say... 365 days...

Okay, last line was a cheesy cheap shot. But ya love me really 😁 comment if you want any oneshots dedicated to you!