Victorious Preferences [COMPLETED]

30K!!! OR Teardrops (André X Reader Oneshot)

One of two oneshots requested by itslinduhhh - whenever you and André fight it's always passionate and emotional and about something close to either or both of your hearts... also wow you guys, 30K, you really love my writing! 😍

I sit on the floor with my legs pressed up to my chest, my arms wrapped round them for comfort. I sniff, keeping mucus from dripping and instead letting a few teardrops fall.

Whenever I close my eyes I can picture it. André coming in, me telling him, him getting angry, him crying...
I sniff again and wriggle around for something to do to try and take me off the fact that I'm about to have a fight with my long-term boyfriend André Harris.

We rarely fight. That's the beauty of our relationship: our hearts and lives are so intricately woven together that we immediately know if something is wrong or if we disagree on something; I hate fighting with him, it feels like I'm fighting myself.

I cast my eyes down as I hear a key in the lock and the door opens to the greeting of my boyfriend.
"Hey, baby! Sweetcheeks! My lil' doll! What's hanging?" he says cheerfully, dumping canvas bags full of our grocery shopping on the counter. I stare at them. He even got me ice cream - this is going to hurt.

André notices that I haven't replied, and looks round at me. His face switches from happy to slightly concerned.
"You okay, baby?"
I stare at him and gulp. "Yeah, yeah I'm fine honey. How- how was work?"
A light comes over his face and he begins to tell me what his day was like at the recording studio for his second album. He continues gabbling enthusiastically whilst putting groceries away, and I don't move, just sink lower into an 'S' shape on the floor.

"-so he thinks we could get someone else in, someone who's more famous than me right now, yanno like someone in the charts maybe, uh, what's his name, that guy with the beads in his hair, who is he agai-        Y/N?"
I look up at him. He's frozen in his place staring at me, at my body. His face reads shock and fear, and I don't need to look down at the place he's looking to know he's seen it.

I struggle to sit up and he instantly skids over to me and props me upright against the wall.
He tries to pull up the hem of my shirt and, already knowing he knows what I've done but fearful anyway, I grab his arms to stop and he twists out of my grip and instead grabs my wrists. I wince slightly.
André freezes again, and loosening his grip on my wrist turns it over and gasps as he sees the cuts.
They're fresh, he knows. He knows I made them today, and the long horizontal weal on my stomach.

He looks up into my eyes, and I can see the brown in them shimmer and shine as he begins to cry. In response I start crying too, because we feel the same things, and he whispers,
"Oh, Y/N... why?"

Something snaps in my mind. I wrench my arms out of his, wincing again, and stand up. He stands up too, and I point at him with blurry vision from my tears.
"You can't say anything, André Harris, because you've never felt like this okay? You've never felt like you had no other choice but to feel like you deserve pain okay? You don't know what I'm thinking!"
"Whose fault is that though?!" he raises his voice a little, causing me to flinch but I know he wouldn't hurt me, "Y/N, we tell each other everything, but you never tell me why you do this! I thought we were over this!"

"I'm never gonna be over this! That's not how it works!" I cry, feeling the tears rolling over my now puffed cheeks. André walks towards me, but in my dazed state I push him away and sniff angrily.
"André, you understand me but you'll never understand why I feel like I have to punish myself even when it's not my fault, okay? So stop trying, I'm done with you pretending to know my soul!"
"Y/N, I do know your soul!" he shouts and I flinch again but stand tall even though I feel like crumbling up on the floor. He continues, tears cascading like a waterfall down his face too, "You can trust me, you love me and I love you! We know each other, I've been there with you before, remember? Remember Prome? Remember how I helped you?!"

I do remember, remember how he wrenched the blade out of my hand and carried me to Lane and muttered soothingly in my ear the whole night, but this is different.
I whimper, "This is different André, and I know you wouldn't ever understand!"
"Try me! Please, try me!" he holds his hands out in an angry pose, but I instead stare at him and burst into fresh tears.

I raise my hands to my eyes and my stomach, rubbing and slapping the skin so fiercely it stings, and André rushes to me and takes my hands to stop me. I don't fight him this time and instead keep crying, feeling like the most terrible person in the world.

"Y/N, what is it? Seriously," he whispers, and puts a finger underneath my chin to lift it up. I sniffle.
"You won't ever understand André, even if I tell you."
"Tell me anyway," he immediately replies, and I break down again, my legs bucking.
"Woah, woah, woah. Come on now," he dips and catches my legs before they disappear beneath me, and picks me up and carries me to the couch. He arranges me til I'm comfortable on his lap on the seat, then holds my hand.

I gulp, looking at him and trying half-heartedly to wipe the ongoing tears off his face.
I look down, my eyelids so far drawn I can see my lashes poking through my vision.
I take a deep breath.

"I... I went to the doctor today because I was still throwing up. He did all these scans and said... he said I was pregnant."
It barely comes out as a whisper, yet André reels his head back as if I'd yelled. "What? But- we always use protection!"
I shrug weakly. "He said that sometimes you just get lucky. But then I got home and it was dark and you weren't there and I felt alone, and then I started staring at my stomach and thinking this is my fault I'm pregnant so I took a knife - and I started... André I started..."

André envelops me in a hug larger than him, his tears mingling on my cheek with mine. I hear his short breaths next to my ear, and feel his hands tighten as they are laced into mine.
"Oh Y/N," he whispers, and leans back from the cuddle to face me. His face is crumpled, streaks of snot and tears down his face. "It's not your fault this has happened; it was an accident, okay? I promise you this situation was an accident, and you must never feel it's your fault, okay? If anything, blame me and my apparently powerful super-sperm."
I laugh weirdly, still crying, and sniff fiercely against his warm chest.
"I can't blame you - it's not your fault either."
"Why do you think it's your fault anyway?" André asks gently, pulling me closer into him until I'm leaning fully on him, "Why are you punishing yourself for accidentally getting pregnant?"
I sniff again and shrug half-heartedly.
"Because it has to be someone's fault, doesn't it? And it can't be yours, because you've always done everything to make sure we're safe-"
"So have you, always," he interrupts quietly, but I continue.
"And we don't have the money yet to do anything about a baby: not enough to get an abortion, not enough for maternity stuff, not enough for baby stuff, not enough anything to raise a child. Don't you see André?" I peer up at him, my vision slightly blurred.
"I've ruined our lives, and it hasn't even begun yet."

André tuts fondly and looks at me with tears in his eyes and a sad smile.
"It's not your fault Y/N, I promise. It really is an accident - sometimes there isn't anyone to blame. As for our lives, there are so many young artist couples in their twenties that have children and are doing just fine. I promise we can start our careers on the big slope as soon as we can, and nothing is gonna stop us. No punishing yourself, because everything will be fine. Repeat it after me..."

"Everything will be fine," I say in a soft voice, smiling weakly, and he offers a small smile before  cuddling me more. I lean into him and sigh deeply, still worried but less.
André relaxes himself against me and I him, and he murmurs slightly as he pulls his legs up onto the couch and adjusts me so he can lie down with me on his chest. I hear his heart in his chest beating steadily underneath my ear, and I snake a hand underneath me to feel my stomach. I wince at the new cut, but if I close my eyes tight shut I can pretend I already feel the baby kicking.

This is going to be a huge and scary challenge for us. But we're together in this, and that's all that matters.