angst
tw: party, alcohol, r**e, drunk guy, hint at panic attack
poem
Izzy wrote this to vent
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Lights bright.
Music blaring.
Teens, not really caring.
My friends dragged me here. To this really dumb party, where teens are chugging beer.
I didn't wanna come, I'd rather be sleeping, but Sayako does this thing, it looks like they're weeping, you can't say no to them.
So I came to have fun.
When we entered the house, it wasn't too bad.
I guess I couldn't stay mad.
The host was nineteen, he was tall and his shirt was grassy-green.
He sang in a band, and his skin was slightly tanned.
The host was drinking, I'll never forget the name because he offered one to me.
I said, "no, i can't drink, I'm only fourteen."
His friend laughed beside him, "Yeah kid, save your spleen."
I laughed too; science jokes, 100% my thing.
My group was sitting nearby, after getting their drinks, it was non-alcoholic; Sayako still has that fear.
The host leaned in real close, whispered with a slur, "Come upstairs, I wanna talk,"
He said with a slight stir.
I walked up with him, feeling a pinching ache in my gut.
I hoped nothing was wrong. Would this lead to a rut?
When we got in a room, he shut the door very soon.
I sat on the bed, I felt nearly-dead, just as he sat down.
He leaned real close again, I could smell the Budweiser in his breath, this decision could have been made wiser....
He didn't speak, only breathe, when he pushed me down, and he...
I felt that weave, the weave of the bedsheet, it was hand-sewn.
He was so nice to me, this much I owe to him...
I remember I screamed, but he didn't mention that the walls were soundproof.
So I only made my throat raw.
In... More ways than one.
He was always touching me, whether in my mouth, in... Other parts... or on my skin.
Was this some sort of win, at least for him?
When he let me go he said he was going to tell everyone I was a liar.
I said I'd tell everyone he touched me.
He said they'd never believe me.
"You're just a kid," he mocked, "An attention seeking kid."
He was always the center of attention, why would HE want more fame?
It was clear as day; it would be played that I was to blame.
He left the room and I got redressed.
I ran to Matt and demanded he drive me home, I was hyperstressed.
He simply nodded and said he'd be back quick.
Sayako grinned, you could see a smile in their eyes.
Arlo smiled and waved, knowing I was departing.
I felt a million butterflies in my stomach.
But not happy ones.
No, these were a different brand of 'flies.
I got in the car and we were silent.
He dropped me off and he said, "Iz, what's wrong?"
I didn't smile.
I was apathetic.
I said, "Nothing. I'm tired."
I lied right through my teeth.
I went to bed and I felt his hands on me.
I felt the guilt.
I fell asleep that night, somehow...
I've been told I'm very hard to please.
Now that you know my story though...
You know why parties fill me with unease.
