tryst // h.s

twenty four

Chapter twenty four

Zara

This is not at all what I expected.

When I first heard the words come out of Simon's mouth I couldn't believe it. It was all too good to be true, and it really was.

What they don't tell you when you sign a contract is that you practically sign your soul away.

I was naïve enough to believe all was good intentions and happy thoughts. Reality caught on to me and let me tell you, reality sucks.

Right after the x factor tour ended, my life changed.

I was told that I'd be in the process of writing and creating and album good enough to make it to the charts, and it did. But the thing is, there's not one piece on that record that has truly came from me; one if you count my voice, two if you count vocals.

They restricted me to the easy part of the process, the one thing that I never have wanted.

I should have said something, I know. But they always told me the same and me being the pathetic pushover I am, I let them.

''This is your first album, you need to relax.''

''You leave it to the pros, don't worry.''

''Darling, don't you worry your pretty little head with it.''

''Honey, I've been doing this my entire life. I suggest you sit back and listen.''

It was a good record, I'm not gonna lie. It made it to the top of the charts and my fans were loving it. But that was what it was hurting me the most; I'm a total fake out.

I have fans out there that literally would do anything for me because they love me and they love my voice and my 'songs'. And then I'm here, being a complete failure and not only lying to them, but to myself.

When I first started this process I thought I was in good hands, they'd take care of me. And I was wrong, I was so wrong. They don't care about me or my opinion, they only care about what my public image represents to them and to the world.

I had to shut up about many injustices and keep a smile to everybody. Be happy little Zara that everyone else knows and love. Be cute little Zara that everyone admires and cherrishes.

Sell this image, be like this, do that, don't do this. That's not how it's supposed to look, Zara.

A lady would never do that, you have to smile more, you can't do that if you don't ask first. Do you know how much that stupid thing you did is gonna cost us?

Those were the things that I had to listen to every day for the past couple of months.

I've been so busy with recording the album, music videos, interviews, small gigs, appearances in shows, doing pr tour all that in the short span of seven months. The only good thing about that, it's that it's already had been a year since I signed the contract. Meaning I have a year and a couple of month until I get to leave this hellhole.

I mean, not everything is bad. At least I get to do something that I love, such as singing. I love doing it, and although I'm not able to do it with my own lyrics I still get to do it, and I should be grateful about it. Right?

I get to see my fans that have been totally supportive of me. The love and support they give me really helps me go through all of this. I might not be doing much for myself but I been there for them and they reassure it to me everyday.

Now, I get to go on tour, as promised.

Well, not totally my tour and not totally an entire tour.