tryst // h.s

twenty five

Chapter twenty five

Harry

I'm an asshole.

I'm such a fucking asshole.

Why the hell would I say I don't care? Of course I fucking care. She means everything to me and I just pushed her away with my stupid mouth and pathetic feelings.

She's not into me and I need to accept that.

She has a fucking boyfriend, for fucks sake! What else is going to take for me to realize she's not ever going to give me the time of day? On top of being an asshole I'm an idiot.

I don't have any right to judge her, I never told her my feelings and now I'm dealing back with the consequences.

Louis was right, there would be a time in which she will have a boyfriend and that time has come. I had more than a whole year to tell her and I did nothing. Now I'm here regretting every single missed opportunity I had to let her know.

I'm a coward and now I lost her.

But then, she said he's not her boyfriend. She wouldn't lie to me, would she? No! With what purpose? She knows she can tell me anything; as much as it pains me I'm still her friend and she would tell me if something was wrong, right?

I still have a shot. He's not her boyfriend, she said it herself. Although, am I that petty to confess my feelings for her just because I feel threatened that she might be taken? I mean, I've wanted her way before any of this nonsense started but she doesn't know that.

I'm delusional.

I never had a shot and this not only proved it but also tore down any other hope I had. She obviously needed a man to be by her side and to her, I'm just her dorky friend Harry, a boy. Her level of maturity escapes her age; she's only eighteen but she's so mature and responsible that it leads you to believe she's older.

I don't deserve her. I never fought for her and conformed myself with just staying by her side and being her friend.

I hate myself for being such a loser.

But I hate myself even more because of the way she looks at me everyday.

I treated her like shit and I don't have the guts to apologize.

Today is the last day of the first week of tour here in the UK. After this, we each get ten days for the holidays and then come back for the rest of the tour.

In this seven days Zara hasn't even directed a word to me when we were alone, which wasn't much. It's been two weeks since our fight and I try not to let it get to me, but truth is I can't be away from her this much.

Yesterday we had two shows and tonight it's the last one in Manchester. We've been doing small arenas and theater concerts and they all sold out pretty fast. We didn't expect this much of a reaction from the fans so we ended up adding a couple of dates were they best fitted.

We were at the hotel before heading up to the venue ready for the show.

''I know you guys wank, please realize girls take shits too.'' Zara says and the boys laugh at her confession.

This is exactly what I love about her. She's carefree and doesn't mind letting out a curse word or two every once in a while. Any other girl would restrict herself from saying a bad word but she couldn't care any less.

''Oh no.'' She exclaims hiding her face on her hands. ''I've spent so much time with you that I think I might be turning into a boy. I need female friends.''