tryst // h.s

thirty

Chapter thirty

Zara

I don't know why it's fucking snowing at the end of november but I hate it.

I love winter but if there's something I don't like, it's snow. It triggers memories that are not pleasant recollecting. The wet cold feeling on my hands and the frostbite on my toes is unbearable and it doesn't matter how many pairs of socks I put on, I still can't feel them.

The warmth of my apartment was hard to leave this morning when Cassie pulled the covers out of my body; I'm starting to regret giving her a key as well.

I had some meetings and radio shows scheduled for today. The album wasn't making the charts, some songs did, but still the growth had been slow and Aimee was not happy about it. She had arranged a lot of stuff to help promote it. I've had photoshoots, talk shows, countless two or three day trips to America to announce it, since it was more popular there than here.

Some award shows as well, and I've been receiving a shit ton of them, but they felt worthless; it wasn't my success at all. The only ones that I had kept were the ones that my fans had directly voted, and largest fanbase as well.

Albeit claiming them was rather wrong, they made me feel a little better. And this was most likely to be over soon.

It's out of my knowledge how people in the industry knew that my contract was ending soon but the word had been spreading and my phone was blowing up with phone calls. Luckily Aimee was out of it and I redirected every call to Cassie; who had been doing an amazing job.

I was yet to confirm any meetings with any of the record labels and management that had contacted me but it was mainly because it felt wrong doing it until I was out of the contract with my current ones. Not because I had any respect or connection with them, no. It was basically because if Aimee were to find out about any of this and me deciding not to renew the contract, I know she'd manage to get something out of her sleeve for me not to leave.

I had to be very cautious about those matters and keep pretending I was doing okay.

Now here I was, at the studio finishing my part for a christmas single for charity.

These are the type of things I live for. Doing music with purpose and retributing to those who most need it. Of course, Aimee just thought it was good press for me but I actually loved it, singing christmas carols was something I never did as a kid but they were incredibly fun. The whole studio had been decorated with christmas-y stuff and it looked lovely.

There were a few people I'd miss after all of this was over. The musical engineering guys and the lady at the entrance, along with some other people. I wish I could take them with me but I'd be too much for me to ask; besides no one would give up their job to join me, not that I expected them to.

I had been writing my own music just for myself. I wanted to put an album out there next year with music purely and entirely made by myself. It wasn't much but at least it was something that felt like me. No fancy choreography, no intricate sound mixing, no popular lyrics. This was just me talking about my feelings with some ballad behind it.

My friend Avery had been helping me a lot with the writing of the lyrics that I wanted to put out and he was amazing with words. I had met him a couple of months ago at an event in Los Angeles and he totally blew my away with his talent.

''Zee, would you mind repeating that line again?'' Mike, one of the musical engineers asked me through the other side of the glass.

''This one?'' I sang the verse and he nodded. I did it one more time until I saw Cassie through the glass signalling for me to go there. ''What's wrong, Cass?'' I asked with my headphones still on and hanging to the door.