tryst // h.s

forty one

Chapter forty one

Zara

''Did you mean that?'' My voice breaks but I manage to ask him while I fight back tears, there's only him and I at this dark hallway and he nods in silence while he looks down, as if he was ashamed of it.

''Of course I did, Zara.'' I can't believe he would do that.

Ten hours prior...

''Why is this weather so sticky? My hair is frizzing out.'' Cassie whines once we get out of the building ready to have lunch and do some shopping

''What do you mean sticky?'' I take a deep breath of fresh air and exhale it loudly with a smile on my face. ''It's wonderful! It's such a nice change to the whole gray mood. Live a little Cass.'' I nudge her playfully and she rolls her eyes.

''We have an entire day here and it's so beautiful. I'm glad we could get all of that out of the way by noon.'' Anastasia says and Cassie goes back to whining.

"Cass, we are in Paris. And it's beautiful outside, we have a lot to do today, smile for us." I side with Anna and we both give Cass a pleading smile and she huffs but smiles anyway.

''I hate both of you.'' She says before embracing us in a hug. ''But anyway, are we still going to the concert tonight?'' She asks and Anna turns to me for an answer as well.

''Um yeah, I have the passes for one of the sections but we can do anything you like. It's totally up to you.'' I shrug and she nods.

''Have you talked to Harry, love?'' Anna asks and I shake my head. It's been a over ten days since I saw him and we've texted a little but nothing extreme.

I wanted to give him an answer but reality is that I haven't had time to sit back and meditate. Not that I've ever done that but apparently it helps with clearing your mind of things clouding your judgment and it benefits mindful reasoning.

It's been known I need a shit ton of that and I hate that I'm scared to try new stuff, the unknown, let my guards down.

When I make a general balance of this year so far, I'd like to say I'm doing pretty good. I'm happier than I've ever been in the past year but somehow I've suffered much more than any other.

Complex had been these past months and I would have never thought I'd have to face such a situation. Last year, Harry was just my friend. I'd see him every time I could and we had great times, he always treated me good and had my best interests at heart.

Somewhere along, it switched. We distanced from each other. And I can pinpoint the exact moment it happened, but I always wondered why, because I never understood it. It was a sudden fall off a cliff I did not forsee.

Having feelings for him never actually crossed my mind, like I said, he was merely my friend.

And I mean when I say, I never thought of him that way until last year so it's something strange, because he said he never wanted to be my friend.

In that moment - when he said that- everything felt so tainted; as if he had been pretending every single one of the times we had spent together and maybe he was. It made me wonder.

Was it always an ulterior motive of him?

Am I not his friend?

What happens to all those time we spent together?

That we slept together, was he doing it because he liked me and he lied or it just happened?

It's so stupid and useless to think of that now, because it shouldn't matter. I should focus on him, the now, the present. But there's so much baggage, a lot of feelings carried away for so long that I was never aware of.