tryst // h.s

thirty one

Chapter thirty one

Zara

You know that feeling when someone is hiding something and they do anything for you not to find out?

Well, Cassie has been jittery all day. She has been jumpy and reactive to anything I say and she's holding onto my phone for dear life. We had a photoshoot for a magazine cover and she's been so quiet it's actually terrifying.

Aimee, on the other hand, has been all smiles and happy thoughts since the early afternoon and I have no idea what it could be about.

Me, I'm all tensed up from sitting up in a swing with a gigantic pompous and heavy dress for at least three hours. It's almost dinner time but we've been stuck here all day and I've been doing nothing more than pose and change clothing.

It's been a very long day and I wish I were on my couch laying around all snuggled up watching some Christmas movies eating some greasy stuff while regretting my life choices.

It was the second day of December and thankfully it hadn't snow since the last storm. The weather was still very cold and inviting not to go out.

Is it sad that I'm not even twenty and I already want the life of a retired old lady?

I love my hectic life, although it's far from perfect, I still get to do a lot of fun stuff but sometimes it's too much. A nine to five job would be dreamy comparing to the sleepless night I have and the long days following. Magazines were amazing to do and many times, once in a life opportunities; not everyday you get a call from Vogue saying that they want you in the cover of the first magazine of the new year.

Albeit the opportunities were amazing sometimes I just fantasize of everything else stopping. Getting a break from reality and just be. That's what I've been needing.

Aimee gets on my nerves and I want nothing more than to be over dealing with her shit but she keeps me busy and although she's not the greatest manager out there she keeps me relevant. As narcissistic as that may sound it's true. At least there's people waiting for what I'm about to do next; the next step on my career.

It's wonderful to be able to have a job I know and grown to love. Difficulties aside, I've matured enough to not complain more than what I need to and embrace it. I will finally be free in a couple of months, I just need to endure a little more.

Anyway, getting back to needing a break is really a must for me. I've been exhausted and it seems never ending. The days are long while the nights are short. I feel like my life's moving but not my everyday.

It's a complex thing to put into words. I want all of this nonsense to be over but I don't wanna stop doing music. I've been working since I was fourteen and keeping me busy gets me through life, I can't just stay at my house feeling like a worthless human being, I need the constant moving and the excitement of where to go next.

The spontaneity in my life's missing and everything seems planned out and ready to be executed. I feel trapped in this never ending, never stopping cycle that's my life. I need a change, and I need it for good.

Being in my head must be a daunting thing because I can't even understand my coursing thoughts.

Like I've said, someday I'm just gonna get caught up in my own thoughts and I'm never coming back. I get easily distracted lately and I can't afford being like that, at least not when Aimee's around.

''That's a wrap everyone, see you tomorrow! Zara, thank you for being lovely.'' The head director announces and everyone in the room, including me, cheers. It's a fucking Sunday and all of this people are here because Aimee squished it last minute, making everyone in here come down to work.