Spring Forward, Fall Back (Alucard x Chubby! Reader)

Chapter 10 - Wine And Misconceptions Part 2

Reader P.O.V.

"What the devil could you have been thinking about that drew your attention that deeply?"

"I...I thought that her lips looked delicious."

I had heard that last bit of the conversation while standing outside the door, and suddenly felt my breath catch in my throat. I turned back toward the library and walked as fast as I could without making any noise, all the while having those words racing back and forth through my mind. How he could think those things, I had no clue.

I got to the library and busied myself with preparing the entertainment for the evening, desperate to get the implications of Alucard's words out of my mind. Making sure that the fully charged solar battery pack was connected to my computer was one part, but picking out what to let everyone watch was becoming quite the quandary. I had so many different movies on my external hard drive that choosing one was increasingly difficult, but the addition of the knowledge I now had made thinking clearly become nearly impossible.

'Could he really have thought that?' I asked myself. Thinking back to the time in the laboratory, I remember that it seemed like he was completely ignoring me when I asked again and again for his help, his eyes having a far away look to them. It was like that thing they call 'the 1000 yard stare' that some people get where you don't know what they're thinking of, but it doesn't seem like it could be a good thing. Now, when putting the words that I heard from the man himself, I understand what was actually happening at the time and realize that I was being a bitch. A complete, no assembly required, hardcore bitch.

I really and truly acted like a spoiled bitch while he was only trying to figure out what it was that crossed his mind. Instead of acting the way I had, I could have asked him what was on his mind or something to that effect. But oh, no. Not me. I had to sit there and act like he had offended me to the nth degree. Like a spoiled child who didn't get what they wanted for Christmas and had to throw that temper tantrum right then and there to let everyone know their displeasure with the results of their wishes. Such a spoiled child I am.

I looked to the ground and shook my head, ashamed of my actions and reactions. I can't believe that I have become this way. I can't believe that I let the ex completely turn my mind into something that could seek out and find every fault with every male of the species. When I stop and think about things, I realize that it wasn't just Alucard that I was doing this to. Trevor was also an unsuspecting participant in my newfound ability to demean every male around me and make sure they're kept at arms length. It was a defense mechanism that I didn't even know I'd flipped the switch to. It wasn't like me to act like this. It wasn't me to try to find any fault with a man just to make sure I wouldn't get too close to them, but that's exactly what I was doing.

Since the ex had their way with me and used me to their advantage, I decided that I didn't want to get hurt ever again. Anyone who has been through a relationship like I'd been in, an abusive relationship, they will do anything once they get out of one to not make the same mistake all over again and end up becoming jaded and resentful toward the idea of being in another one. The problem, however, some of us go to extremes to make sure that doesn't happen. Some of us, such as myself apparently, will rail with everything we've got to ensure that no one gets that close to us again.

After the reflection upon my own douche bagginess, I decide that I'm going to set up an action/adventure movie for all of us to watch. Knowing all that they had no knowledge of whatever I showed them, I wanted to watch the movie and their reactions to it regardless. Not to mention that I didn't really care one way or another whether or not they asked questions. I just wanted to have one night where we all just sat back, relaxed and enjoyed each other's company. After all, I didn't know how much longer we'd be together once I deciphered the information I'd gathered in the hold, so having just this time where we sat together was, for me at least, something important.