neverland no more || tpn shots (2)

my old feelings • lucas

One day, as he was helping you pack up, Lucas comes across an old diary that once belonged to you. Your name was written in a nice font on the front page. The diary was the size of his hand, dusty, and most of the entries written down in it were already unreadable. Some pages have been ripped off, damaged and tear-stained, and some had its ink long gone and faded. Lucas decided to not tell you about his discovery and instead hide the diary away somewhere in his room so he can read it later. You told him about the diary but admitted to have misplaced it at some point. He was curious as to what you wrote about when you were younger. The entries, the ones that can be read clearly, are as follows:

Dear diary,
I will never forget the first time you ever spoke to me. Honestly, if I didn't find you cute, I would have been mad at you. I'm glad you told me the truth; that it was just a dare from your friends. I understood that. But if I was going to be honest, that was the moment I started to like you. The way you chuckled after apologizing, saying that you were just messing around with your buddies... it made my heart go wild. We were in high school back then. It was so long ago yet it feels like it was only yesterday.

Hey, diary,
We were sophomores when we started dating. I was surprised we lasted even after graduation. And, yes, I know studies got in the way, and so did the other things. Like our friends, the stress of college, the future. Everything was an absolute mess. But still, we jumped over the hurdles together. We'd laugh when we both trip along the way. Life has its ups and downs like that. We stayed by each other's side, and that's what mattered. There was no way I'd ever your hand slip from mine; I loved you too much to let you go. You loved me back just as much, that I knew.

I might stop saying dear diary already...
I'll be truthful, and say that I forgot most of what happened in high school. The only things I remember were all the times I spent falling in love with you over and over and over again. All our dates, all those times you'd tell me how beautiful I am, all the things you said you love about me, I cherish all of that. I was shy then. But I made sure to tell you how I felt about you. Oh, how handsome you are, how cute you are in my eyes, and just everything about you. I didn't know it yet, but you were already a part of me. You are and will forever be my one and only love, Lucas.

Dear Lucas? Should I even call my diary Lucas now?
It wasn't until after college that we decided we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with each other. So, I've secured myself a job and you enlisted in the military with your childhood friend Yuugo. It took a few years until you and I finally earned enough money, so we bought our first house and got married. And there I thought our life couldn't get any better. That was until two pieces of news turned our lives around. For one, I delivered the good news; you were going to be a father. On the other hand, you told me the sad news; you were going to war. I was devastated when you left me and our unborn child. Terrified that you wouldn't come back home to us, I cried every night.

I'm already an adult as I'm writing this, so I've stopped writing a greeting. No more dear diary or anything of the sort. There's only you, my dear Lucas. My dearest. I miss you already. It's been how long since you left? My belly's growing and growing as the weeks pass by. It's difficult without you by my side. Of course, I can always manage, and I'm doing fine so far. Since I'm going to be a mother soon, I have to learn how to take this responsibility. Nobody said it was going to be easy. Damnit, I keep thinking of you, Lucas. You'll come back home soon, right? Please make it back home alive.

Dearest Lucas, despite the many letters we keep sending each other, I'm still selfish. I'm still hurting. I desperately want you here with me. Please, please, please come back. I don't want our child to grow up without a father. Why must the war take you away from me? It's been, what, more than two years? Our son, Oliver, sleeps soundly in his room as I write this entry in my aging diary. I miss you. So bad. Every night I dream of you coming home and I would be running into your arms once again. I dream that you would see your son and cry tears of joy. And once you return, we can raise our son and live out the rest of our life as a family.

Then that day came. It was, well, more emotional than I expected. When you came home, with a large scar on your face, no less, I held onto you for as long I could. I never wanted to let you go that morning. Now that you're home, we're all happy again. Despite the challenges we would face in the future, at least we have each other once again.

Those were the only entries that were readable. Lucas lets out a breath as he closes the diary. A tear slips from his eye as he smiles, reminiscing the good old days. Lucas missed the days he spent loving you. After his son grew up and moved out of the house, things changed. People change. This was a fundamental truth. He then notices you standing in the doorway.

"Oh, uh. I didn't see you there." Lucas seemed to have sunk lower into the bed. It's like he nearly flinched.

"I see you found my old diary." You smile sadly. "How was it?"

He looked down at his feet. "Overwhelming." The man avoided your gaze.

With your arms crossed, a touch of a bitter look hijacked your facial expression. "Want to know what I kept there?"

He looks up, not answering. There was a hint of guilt in his eyes.

"My old feelings."

You thank him for helping you pack your belongings and turn to leave. He jumps to his feet and stops you.

"Wait! What about your diary?"

You look back at him. "Keep it."

Without another word, you leave the house for good. You leave your husband- sorry, ex-husband for good. Yes, you still love him. But if you were going to be really honest, you wanted him to be happy. So you had to let him go. If Lucas wants to be happy with Yuugo then you'll let them be happy.

The End.

a/n:
This was supposed to be a fluff. What the heck happened? I'm so sorry, ugh, this was so bad...please forgive me, I've been stressed with school all October and I really tried to write during my free time. Again, I'm so sorry for being late and I'm so sorry if you didn't like the oneshot. I'm so tired.