I Love You, Sir (Two Roads Part 5)

CHAPTER 41

(A short chapter)

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Hinawakan ni Sir Niccolo ang silver kong kwintas na ang pendant ay ang singsing na iniwan niya sa akin bago siya pumunta sa Singapore noon. Kanina pa lalawit-lawit sa hubad kong katawan ang kwintas na iyon pero tila ngayon lang niya napagtuunan ng pansin.

"Is that why you're not wearing this?"

"What do you think I am doing? Am I not wearing that?" pilosopo at defensive kong tanong.

Tinignan ako nang matalim ni Sir. "You know well what I meant, Nathan. Can you just answer my question? Is that a wedding ring you're wearing on your finger?"

Iniwas ko ang tingin ko sa kanya. "Yes, Sir."

"Fuck." Bumangon si Sir at mabilis na isinuot ang underwear niya't black shorts. Umupo siya sa edge ng kama at idinikit ang palad niya sa noo. "I can't believe this."

Bumangon din ako at tumabi ako sa kanya. Sinubukan ko siyang yakapin pero umiwas siya. Tumayo siya sa gitna ng room habang tila wala sa sarili at may malalim na iniisip.

"Sir." kalmado kong sinabi. "It's not what you think."

"You're married, Nathan. Is that why you lost touch? Is that why... God!"

"Sir."

"I just had sex with a married man. My god. What have I done?"

"Sir, please."

"What did I wait for all these years? What's the point of stopping myself from doing wrong things to you?"

"Sir, wala namang masama –"

"YOU'RE FUCKING MARRIED, NATHAN! ANONG WALANG MASAMANG SINASABI MO?"

Natahimik ako. For the first time, sa loob ng napakaraming taon, nasigawan ako ni Sir Niccolo nang ganoon. Pinagmasdan ko siya habang para bang pinagsakluban siya ng langit at lupa. Nanlulumong napaupo siyang muli sa gilid ng kama. Itinakip niya ang dalawang kamay sa mukha.

"I don't love her, Sir. I already filed a petition for a divorce. We're just waiting it out now."

"That's bullshit." Humarap sa akin si Sir. "Why did you marry her in the first place if you didn't love her? I thought... I thought you wanted me to wait for you. I did, Nathan. I did wait for you. I searched for you, even though it seemed like you had purposely vanished into thin air. I thought we had a promise. I thought... I thought you loved me."

"Sir!" Lumapit ako sa kanya at sa pagkakataong ito, niyakap ko siya kahit ano pang piglas ang ginawa niya. "Totoo yun. Totoo lahat yun. Ikaw lang ang mahal ko, Sir. Ikaw lang. Walang iba."

Malungkot siyang tumawa. "And you married someone else because you love me? How smooth."

"She's the youngest daughter of Molly Belen – my sponsor, although she's 15 years older than me. I should have known, bakit isinama niya ako sa Aspen with her. I should have known na nasa plano na niya iyon all along."

Hindi kumibo si Sir, kaya itinuloy ko ang pagkukwento.

"Molly got sick. And it was her dying wish that I married her youngest daughter. Kung hindi ko gagawin, she would send me home to the Philippines with nothing at mawawalan ako ng chance to continue my studies because none of her children would want to continue supporting me when she's gone."

"So you're trying to say,"

"I didn't want to disappoint her on her remaining days, Sir. Yun lang ang magagawa ko para magbalik ng napakarami kong utang na loob sa kanya. She's gone now, and nagkasundo na kami ng wife ko na magdivorce soon. Sinunod lang din daw niya ang kagustuhan ng Mommy niya. Alam ko, mali ang ginawa ko Sir. But if this is the closest I could get to making my dreams come true..."

"So she left you with all the money that you have now. Am I right?"

"Yes, Sir. She left me a lot, millions actually, in the bank, and a vast land and a big house here in the Philippines. Kaya weeks before I came home, nakalipat ang family ko from Bicol, dito sa mas malapit. Ipinamana niya rin sa akin yung grocery business niya – yung pwesto sa may palengke. I gave it to my mom. Kaya naman sobrang OK na ni Mama ngayon, kasi may pinagkakaabalahan na siya, and at the same time, kumikita siya nang maayos. Everything is better. I have my own house in Aspen, I can continue studying in New York. On top of that, American citizen na ako dahil nga ikinasal ako sa anak niya. So pwede na akong magpabalik balik sa States anytime I want. Pag naging director na ako someday, ako mismo ang gagawa ng movies of Papa's novels. Tell me, Sir. Masama po ba na pinili ko ang lahat ng iyon?"

Hindi kumibo si Sir.

"I didn't expect us to meet now, Sir. Actually, I was on a mission to hide from you at bumalik ulit sa America without you knowing that I came home. Pero I promised myself na once mafinalize ang divorce ko, uuwi talaga ako at hahanapin kita. Ikaw lang ang nagiisa kong mahal. I'm really sorry, Sir. I really am."

Tumango-tango si Sir at pagkatapos ay tumayo na. "Get dressed, Nathan. I'm taking you home to your family. They're waiting for you."

***

Itinigil ni Sir ang kotse sa tapat ng gate ng bago naming bahay kung saan ay tanaw ang ganda ng paligid. Malaki ang ipinamanang property sa akin ng dati kong sponsor. Sa totoo lang, wala akong idea kung gaano talaga siya kayaman noong buhay pa siya. Ngayong akin na ang lahat ng ito, narealize ko na sobra pala.

Sumilip si Sir sa bintana at pinagmasdan niya ang napakaraming Christmas lights sa bakuran namin. Suot niya ang grey kong jacket dahil winarak ko nga yung long sleeves niya kanina sa hotel room. Ako naman ay yung black kong sando lang ang suot. Nasanay na ang katawan ko sa lamig dahil sa snow ng Aspen.

"Hindi ka bababa, Sir?" tanong ko. "Dito ka na magNoche Buena."

Humarap siya sa akin sabay iling. "No, Nathan. Hinihintay rin ako ng family ni Basti. This will be our last Christmas dinner na single pa siya, so..."

"I understand." sabi ko. Tinanggal ko sa pagkakabuckle ang seatbelt. Ayoko pang bumaba. Ayoko pang mahiwalay kay Sir.

"Tell your family I said hello." sabi ni Sir, halatang pinilit ngumiti. Lumingon siya sa backseat. "Don't forget Cielo's guitar."

"I love you, Sir." sabi ko. Dahil doon ay muling tumingin sa akin si Sir. "Will you wait for me? Hanggang sa maging divorced ako?"

Hinawakan niya ako sa ulo at ginulo ang buhok ko. Dahil doon, hindi ko napigilang lumuha.

"I waited for you to grow up. I waited for you to come home. I think there's nothing left to do but wait. Ikaw lang din naman ang minahal ko nang ganito. And I think there's no one else I would love this much in this lifetime but you. You don't need to ask. I will wait for you, Nathan."

"It won't be long." sabi ko.

"Like we always say." sabi ni Sir. "But the truth is, it really feels like a lifetime. Even the seconds are long enough to drive me insane."

"I'm sorry, Sir." umiiyak kong sinabi. "I really am. Kung sana simple lang ang lahat, Sir. Maibibigay ko nang buong buo ang sarili ko sa'yo. I'm so sorry."

"I'll let you go for now. You do what you have to do. And when you're done, please come back to me, Nathan. I'm begging you. Please come back to me." Tumulo ang luha ni Sir. Ang sakit sakit pakinggan ng boses niya. "Walang matitira sa akin kung hindi mo ako babalikan. So please, Nathan. Do come back to me."

Lalo akong naiyak. Yumakap ako sa kanya at hinalikan ko ang bibig niyang basa dahil sa luhang umagos mula sa mga mata niya.

"I love you, Sir. I love you so much."

Take your time I won't go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I'll keep your things right where you left 'em
I'll be here for you

So I'll let you go
I'll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you
Come back to me

And I hope you find everything that you need
I'll be right here waiting to see
You find you
Come back to me