𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐫𝐲【𝐃𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐬𝐦𝐩 𝐖𝐚𝐫】

♛58♛

Tw/cw: **POSSIBLE**

Suicidal thoughts, depression, self harm, panic attacks, blood, cursing, yelling

Im very serious about this guys, if any of this, even a tiny bit, makes you feel the slightest bit weird, uncomfortable, anything. Stop reading. Don't read the chapters with these warnings. I do in fact give them for a reason, and I'd hate for any of you to experience anything negative because I didn't provide good enough warnings.

Happy new years! im very much tired, it is currently 3:15! Goodnight!

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Dream had recently been keeping more of an eye on me, which led me to worry about my still stranded son. Any attempt to leave the Dreamsmp would result in my immediate relocation back to the castle. I felt like a bird with clipped wings. The man would only move me when he decided it was necessary. It made me feel like a pawn, and by no means was I a pawn.

Part of me believed he actually did care, but some sick demented part of the man had formed this care into toxic overprotection. The constant company kept me from becoming lonely, which seemed to be the only positive part. Dream, thankfully, had granted me access to see my son, Tubbo, who I had not seen in quite some time. According to Eret, Tubbo would spend every Thursday collecting sunflowers, a popular flower which was always situated at my official grave. It felt wrong. Being alive, and still having a set grave, the thought enough was morbid.

It was then I had decided I would meet with my son, who still had the belief that I was dead. Admitting to death was hard because part of your brain is convinced you never died, that it was a dream. I had washed myself up, placing the darkened blue cape, which I tended to wear every day possible, sometimes even falling asleep in it. I missed Techno dearly, and parts of my mental stability were now teetering over the edge. It was unfortunate, but all I could do is bear it.

Stepping out of the castle, I gave myself a few minutes to walk along the path, passing by where Tommy had first died, and then where the walls of L'Manberg had resided, walls that I had helped build. I was glad  they were gone, but part of me missed the small collection of friends working together to create a drug world. Fundy was the first to notice me, another friend who had yet to notice my sudden aliveness. When he spotted me, the fox made a mad dash to my form.

"Cypress?"He asked questionably, a small oink 'speaking' behind him. I had giften the boy Mocco, in return for a favor. The pig felt offensive, seeing as Techno was very passionate about the species, thus leading me to allow Fundy to adopt my former pet.

"Correct, It's nice to see you again Fundy."My voice was warm, seemingly causing my friend to relax before pulling me into a tight hug.

"I missed you."He spoke gently, his own accent appearing more. It was apparent I had some sort of connection to the man. Wilbur was his father, and Techno was the former's twin. Which ultimately made the pinkette the fox's uncle. Seeing as he wasn't dead, I assumed he was still passive.

"I'm looking for Tubbo actually, I haven't been able to see him.."I trailed off, causing Fundy to nod quickly, turning his body before pointing past L'Manberg.

"He's in the sunflower fields with Phil, they've been together a bit more to your.. uh, passing. Except you're alive now, so I'm sure it's fine." He rambled, I sighed before setting a hand on his shoulder, making him freeze. I quickly thanked him, before walking in the direction the fox had pointed me.

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Sunflowers were always one of my favorites. The gamboge tones that seemed to shift in the beams of warm light which came from their namesake was comforting. Yellow itself was a very uplifting color, and it seemed to tame my rage. I had almost cried. The anger I constantly felt was left scolding in my veins, and nothing I did seemed to shake it, aside from now. I didn't move towards my son and my friends father just yet. They seemed to be talking, sitting on the floor, collecting loose leaves. 

I was glad to know that in my absence, Tubbo had been taken care of in ways I couldn't have provided at the moment. The teen was adorned in robes which very much resembled mine, the grayed cream layers fitting nicely against his medium skin tone. A nankeen straw hat was on his head, blocking his face from becoming burnt from the harsh sun. Despite being around January, particular parts of the land could obtain such heat, possibly due to formations beneath, or the fact that the sun seemed to be shining brighter than usual.

After a few minutes, Tubbo had finally noticed me. I could see his eyes go wide, dropping the carving knife he was using to trip the edges of the saffron petals. Phil had obviously laughed, before patting on the boys shoulder, gently pushing him into my direction. I felt my heart clench, my vision blurred. Perhaps it was the pollen, but I felt an extreme urge to burst into tears.

"Mom? Mom is that you?" I heard his small voice call out, I choked down a swallow, before moving to walk towards him. I couldn't find the words in my throat to respond. I noticed the blue tears now rushing down his face, my own starting to match. The sunflower patch had brought out many emotions I had believed were gone. I was convinced that they'd return dormant once I left, but having a break, bawling my eyes out, allowing my cheeks to flush and become blotchy. My legs felt like they were shaking with every step, the yellow tones of flowers visibly seeming to part as a walked. 

I felt hot, sun warmed hands wrap around my waist, the boys head digging into my chest, dampening my clothing with calescent tears. I felt my own drip down my face, dripping onto the boy's hat.

"It's me Tubbo."I choked out, gripping onto his clothing, holding him as close as humanly possible. My heart seemed to be bursting, I missed Tubbo, so much more than I had originally imagined. I had only wished for us to be together again, Tubbo, Tommy and I. I wanted a nice set of land, where we could build our own house, and live outside my old kingdom. Away from being president and using sacrifice as an excuse to keep the government going. Away from the meaningless deaths the government ensured. 

Away from Dream.