Forgiveness, Trust & Forever

Hero

Fear starts to take over as I step through the front door, taking a second in the hall trying to gather myself together. Where do I start, do I apologise for my mistakes, do I demand answers for what she has done, or do I just plead for forgiveness and for her to take my sorry ass back? No matter which way this goes I need her to know that I love her, and I always will.

I slowly crack open the door to the living space, I catch sight of her on the sofa, she looks different her cheeks have a little bit of colour to them she is sat in the corner of the sofa her legs curled up under her body and one of the giant decorative cushions pulled against her.

"You just planning on standing there and staring or are you coming in?" The softness of her tone catches me off guard, I expected her to be in such a shit mood with me.

I nod my head pushing the door open fully so I can get inside. I head over to sit on the sofa but at the sight of her tension growing in her shoulders I stop "can I sit here" I point to the far end of the sofa, I don't want her to feel uncomfortable, especially if I am going to get her to speak openly with me but I also don't want her to far away, I need to feel her warmth radiating onto my skin, its been to long without her.

I sit myself down as soon as she nods not wanting to give her time to change her mind but also needing to get off my trembling legs before they cave in beneath me. The anxiety of being here alone with her is coursing through my entire body and with our chaperones standing outside waiting for me to screw this up like I always have in the past is doing me no favours as my legs continue to tremble my palms are sweaty, and I feel like I am gasping for air "Hi" I manage to stutter out.

"Hey" her voice is so soft, just hearing it has my heart picking up pace, god I have missed her gentle tones so much "so what did you want to say Hero" she obviously wants to get this over with and I feel the disappointment that she is not feeling the same way I am in this moment, being back together after all these months.

I let out a little sigh "I wanted to tell you I am sorry for everything" I quietly tell her not wanting her to feel scared by our conversation as she remains sat in the corner of the sofa holding onto the cushion like her life depends on it. A little nod of her head is all the reply I get from her "I should have never doubted you" I continue in the hope she will take in the sincerity in my voice "I know you wouldn't cheat".

"Then why did you?" She cuts me off, obviously having her own questions for me.

"I was scared" I tell her simply "we were so far apart, and I had seen the letter before I left which I should have been honest about but I didn't want to leave on an argument but then once I was gone things just moved along so fast and then with all the time we were apart that you had been with him, then you ended things with me out of the blue after you promised we would make it work after you had pushed me to leave you in the first place, so when you were still with him all the time, it was just...".

"Brandon" she says catching me off guard cutting off the calmest rant I think I have ever been on "his name is Brandon" she states "not him" wow apparently Natalie's feistiness as rubbed off onto Emily while I have been gone.

"Don't ask me to say his name Em not after everything" I softly plead with her hoping that she will let it go, not wanting a scene to happen already.

"After what Hero?" She snaps "after you left me for your career, after he held me up as my heart broke as we became more distant with each other, after he stood by me when I found out I was pregnant and you wanted me to kill our baby, he was the emotional rock I needed him and Freddie, they did the job that was yours to do and they did it all while Brandon is dying and Freddie has his own life to live"

"You finished with me" I squeak, trying desperately to control my emotions "and then you married one of my best friends Em, you married him in our fucking garden where we made love where we talked about our own future" a lone tear escapes me as the images I have looked at repeatedly for the last two weeks flash before my eyes.