Forgiveness, Trust & Forever

Emily

The words of my father and stepmother are ringing in my ears still as I hang up the phone after yet another conversation over what I am doing and what their thoughts are about me cutting Hero off from Eleanora. I had kept my plan to myself hoping that I could just tell them he had changed his mind after all, but no his mother had felt the need to stick her nose in and call Melinda demanding that my parents talk to me regarding me punishing the whole family for my petty feud with Hero. In his mothers' words he made a mistake but he has proven himself repeatedly over the last few months and so I shouldn't have gone back on our agreement, suddenly they all seem to have forgotten everything that has been said and done and suddenly, I am the devil, and he is the victim.

The reminder that I was behaving inappropriately towards him and apparently towards my daughter in my most recent actions has my father telling me he never thought I could disappoint him but my use of my daughter as a weapon apparently is the thing that has him on that path of disappointment that my mother has always been on regarding me and my choices in life. My always devoted stepmother Melinda is taking the I am not taking sides stance, but she has repeatedly told me that its not Martha's fault and she couldn't bare to have her granddaughter taken from her and she feels a terrible sense of guilt for what I am doing to her fellow grandmother.

All in all, it has been a long ass week of defending my actions to the people who I never wanted to hurt in all this but also who I thought would back me no matter what.

I know I am going to need to fix my relationships with them, but I can't deal with that while Hero is still here in my face making me question my choices every damn minute of the night when I am alone, and my brain has time to think it all through again.

Night-time has set in and the summer skies are darkening as the frustration grows in me, Hero is meant to have been gone by now, the white party is tomorrow, and I told him I wanted him gone by then, but he is still here in my home like a bad penny. Opting to deal with the situation myself I chuck the last of his stuff from the wardrobe onto the bed in my room, the last traces of him in a pile on top of the bed that we spent multiple hours being in love on, creating the intimate bond that we felt we would need to make our relationship successful towards our end game. That intimate bond ending up as our ultimate downfall after leaving us sharing a tiny life that will forever keep us apart now.

After losing him time and time again from his cheating or his difficulties in being mature enough to handle a serious relationship, my trust for him being pushed to the brink along with my faith that we could ever be a successful partnership I have now been left with no choice but to kick him out of not only my life but Eleanora's too.

I don't want him around, he threatened to take my daughter, to move her to America he thought that he could cut me out after everything he said when I told him I was pregnant with her, he thought that he would stop me from doing with my child what I wanted too well he was wrong.

My time at my parents helped me to clear my head, it pushed me to make the decisions that have got me to this point of standing in the corner of my bedroom holding the bottle of his aftershave that he left for me at the beginning of this god-awful life changing year. I take one last sniff of the intoxicating scent before I add it to the pile knowing that my move of leaving him off the birth certificate was the final nail in our fragile relationship, and it left me free to make the tough choice of keeping my baby or placing her up for adoption without his input.

The maternal instinct I had developed instantly the day I saw my little boo on the screen with Freddie by my side had struggled to remain intact when I found that I would most probably lose my unborn child just like Hero had wanted all along. Then he reappeared in my life, barging into my home forcing me to be honest with him about the pregnancy, his behaviour changing as he took in my small my bump, clearly different from the Hero I had forced myself to focus on, the Hero that I never wanted to be around ever again was gone and the guy I wanted to embrace this journey with no matter how long it was for or what was waiting for us was by my side at last.