Forgiveness, Trust & Forever

Emily

Sorrow, the clear emotion on my father's face as he stands at the top of the stairs in my home.

I know what he is here for, the radio silence on every single one of the Mboys socials tells me that the time arrived and of course they have sent my father here to tell me that the time we had all been dreading has arrived.

"You don't need to say it dad I can work it out for myself" I shrug my shoulders, spinning on my heels to continue with the mundane task of changing yet another of my daughter's dirty nappy's.

The basic needs of my daughter are never ending, and I don't have time to pacify my father over this, Brandon and I have said everything we needed to just days ago and there is nothing left, no tears will be shed because I will never cry again over someone who betrays me.

The all to familiar sigh of my father fills the baby's nursery as he joins us "Princess I'm so sorry that he is gone" I'm sorry for the people who loved him too, I really am "I know things ended a little tense at the weekend but he adored you and you know he did everything with your best interests at heart"

My head snaps around to look at him, a scowl across my face clear to see "if he ever had my best interests in mind Dad, he would have stopped me getting with Hero, stopped me ruining my whole life" I can't forgive him, I never will be able to move on from what he did to me.

"Emily you made your own choices, you yourself had many opportunities to walk away or to change the path that you were taking but instead you opted to be with Hero and you made the final choices that have given you the life you have now" I know I made the decision but he has betrayed me and he could have stopped me if he had been honest years ago "I know he should have stayed out of the fight between you both over Eleanora but he didn't have to convince Hero to send that letter he went back to London with it clear in his head he was always going to fight you for his daughter".

I shake my head as I keep my eyes on the wriggly baby on the changing mat "Hero would never of had the best family law solicitor on his side if Brandon hadn't helped him find them, Brandon could have stopped me from being with him if he had told me what an ass he really was from the start and more than anything if he had just not called that day I wouldn't be here right now changing this shitty nappy as a single mother without him and without Hero" I scream at him, a weight lifting as I finally let it all out in a screaming ramble of words.

"Hey hey hey" my knuckles are turning white as I dig my nails into my palms in a desperate attempt not to shed a tear over this whole screwed up situation "Em I think you need to go and make me a coffee please" his voice is calm and polite but clear, he isn't asking he is telling me to leave the room.

I look at the quivering bottom lip of my daughter as the fresh tears roll over her tiny chubby cheeks, somehow I can't even hear her distressed cries that I have caused by shouting instead all I can hear is my heart racing deep in my ears "now" his stern voice hits me as I admit defeat and leave the room, leaving him to yet again deal with my baby while I sort my shit out.

The constant battle of emotions within me is desperate to fight out at him, to tell him to get out and leave me alone, to demand that I don't need him here taking control, that she is my daughter and I will look after her in the way I see fit and more than anything I want to tell him that this wouldn't of happened if he had not allowed Hero into my life in the first place, if he had just said that he wasn't the right guy for our world I could have been happy at university now.

How did I have all these men around me who claimed to love me but they didn't protect me from the devil they just handed me to him like a prize, well screw them all I will live my life the way I choose and they can all just stay away from me and Eleanora if they can't support us because now all I need is for them to keep London out of our lives.