Forgiveness, Trust & Forever

Brandon

The one and only thing left that I dream to achieve before my days are finally numbered is to finish the charity album that Emily has promised to use after my passing to raise money for the pancreatic cancer research fund. I do not want my passing to be in vain I want it to raise awareness and hopefully prevent more young people thinking that it will never happen to them.

I have managed to get several tracks from Emily down in the first few months after we found out about her pregnancy and the boys have worked so hard on doing some lyrics of there own even if they are not all that great, I have managed to tweak the vocals enough for it to be good as backing vocals.

The only tracks left are the ones with Emily and Hayden which we are planning on getting done today when they make it to London, but something had been niggling at me since Hero came back and apologised for the battles between us over our girl, nothing will change the fact we both adore her but now I feel like I need to give him the chance to take part in this a I know he will be mega pissed off after I have gone and he realises we left him out yet again.

I mean I never planned to include him before because shit was so tense between us but now, he checks in every day, and he really is proving himself to everyone that he wants to get back to the Hero who left us in January. The Hero who will always be what Emily needs, so I asked him to take part when he gets back but now between the leaked photos and Emily's budding relationship with Hayden, I am seriously concerned this could all blow up in our faces once he is back here and seeing everything for himself.

I take in the entrance to the hospital as I take one last deep breath, I clear my head of my concerns instead focusing on the fact my latest scan results are in and its time to see how everything is developing and for the first time since my diagnosis I feel a hint of nerves at what they are going to say.

I drag myself through the corridors wanting nothing more than to turn on my heels and vanish, from this hospital from reality just for a little longer. The familiar smell of the hospital passages have my stomach churning, I have begun to hate the clean antibacterial scent the over powering smell always lingering up my nose for hours after I have vacated the building reminding me of the news I have received or the treatment I have just had to endure, with each step I take when I leave moving me further away from the clinical scent but my body not allowing me to leave it behind wanting to keep reminding me that soon I will need to be honest with everyone soon I will need to wrap up my business and say my farewells, but until then I will keep floating along this repetitive walk.

"Hey Brandon" the fluttering of the heavily mascaraed eyelashes of the receptionist never fail to make me smile. I maybe in love with my best friend but I can accept her harmless flirting when I come here, hell it gives me a confidence boost.

I give her my best cheeky smile "Hello Carys, how are you today?" I take in the empty waiting room and decide to perch my ass on the edge of her desk instead of finding myself a seat in the small space that is usually full of fellow cancer patients.

A new layer of pink takes over her cheeks as she smiles up at me "I'm better now I have seen you" she gushes "cookie?" She holds up the tin under my nose the freshly baked smell removing the vile hospital smell from my memory, for now at least.

"Did you make these?" I enquire as I lift one from the floral tin, I take a bite as she nods, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth as her hand raises her own cookie to her mouth, I let out a low hum "they are so moist" I purr as her breath visibly catches in her throat, I know I have her in the palm of my hand in this very moment.

"Brandon I was wondering" she begins but the door opens to the doctor's office and whatever she planned to say is gone thanks to the interruption.

Doctor Fitzgerald clears his throat as I let my own grumble out of my throat as I lift myself from the desk "Later" I give her a wink of my eye before I turn my attention to the guy who has started to feel like family I see so much of him "alright Fitzy" I smirk as I walk myself past him and into his office, plonking myself into my normal seat I complain "you really should get comfier chairs man"