Forgiveness, Trust & Forever

Hero

Thirty days ago, my world exploded. I rushed back from LA praying to make it in time to see my child before anything happened to it, back then I had no idea what the future held except that no matter what happened I would prove myself to Emily, prove that I am capable of being exactly what she needed me to be both in that moment and everyone that followed.

What I did not expect was to arrive at the hospital to an unnamed daughter whose mother wanted nothing to do with her, a mother who had kept her against my will and hidden her existence with the help of everyone I cared about telling me that she could not be her mother because she thought she was going to die. In that moment all she could focus on was the list of things that she had already lost and was going to lose in the not-too-distant future.

The day I arrived my heart ached for the pain I could see in Emily's eyes but in the same day my heart swelled beyond belief with love for the girl that would forever be my princess know matter how long she was with us. That tiny little bundle of perfection was enough for me to be willing to break my contract for the movie, to break every promise I have made to anyone in my life because that day I made the biggest promise I would ever make in my life when I swore to my princess know matter what happened I would always put her first.

On that day I said the words that I never ever believed I could say to the only girl who has ever owned my heart, the girl who I thought I would always bow down to know matter what was going on between us, the girl I planned to spend my forever with even if it took me that long to convince her I was changed and that I was everything she needed. That day I told her I would choose my child over her every time, I would take my daughter and walk away from her and our future together, because that was the day, I realised that know matter how much I loved and adored Emily the only future I needed was one with my daughter with or without a queen by my side to raise her.

Emily left the hospital when our daughter was three days old, we had barely spoken in that time since I had made my feelings clear to her. I went from the flat to the NICU everyday, sitting watching our baby as she repeatedly frightened the crap out of me by setting off her alarms, after my outburst in front of the dragon that was my daughters grandmother I couldn't face Emily so instead of dropping by her room I waited for her to come to see us, each day I messaged to say I would be visiting and I would include the time and each day I waited for hours before she would finally come and join us later in the day stopping by for a short amount of time before she scurried off again to her room claiming to be too tired or that it was just to hard to watch our baby hidden under a mounting of wires. On day three I sat watching Eleanora's tiny chest rise and fall when Emme walked in dressed to leave the hospital, that day she told me she would go to her parents for a few days so that we could both have some time to think, to clear our heads so that we could plan our time with our daughter so that we didn't see each other, that was the day she said we didn't need to see each other to parent our daughter right now while she was in the hospital still.

That was the day I lost a little more respect for her, something I never thought I could do but here I am twenty-seven days later having barely heard from her regarding our daughter or our future and my respect for her dropping more and more by the day.

I am sat in our lounge waiting for her to arrive waiting for us to finally come face to face after she told me she was returning to get the flat to get everything ready for when she brings Eleanora home and for when I can apparently return to London. I smirk remembering the moment I read the text a rush of laughter escaping me at the fact she thought I was just going to piss off back to London after she brought my princess home but then the wave of anger flooded through my veins as I realised she was dismissing me she was doing exactly what I vowed she wouldn't when I found out the baby hadn't been terminated she was trying to remove me from its life in the best way she can by getting me out of our flat and away from our baby's life.