Forgiveness, Trust & Forever

Hero

What the fuck just happened? My sister went off like I have never seen before defending Emily and not showing an inch of compassion for my feelings. Then there was my mother and brother both of whom looked like the world was about to explode when Mercy had started spitting her toxic fire at me, it seemed like they were scared that my younger demon sibling was about to open a can of worms that could not be contained once she had broken the seal on it.

My mother has always been loyal, she stood by me so many times and when I made my biggest cock up, she took the tough love route, but she never abandoned me, she made me learn from my mistakes and then when she felt the time was right, she had paid out a fortune in solicitors fees to get it all overturned so I could have what I had always dreamed of, my career.

Titan has always been the one who would tire of my attitude and bad boy drama the quickest, he would groan when mum forced him to deal with my tantrums, and the bigger we got the more he started to just battle with me himself. Looking back, I guess he thought that if we fought with each other then its just brothers fighting no one would think anything of it and I would end up with less of a criminal record and our mum would end up less heartbroken.

Well, that was his first mistake in life apparently.

The silence in the air as I stand rooted to the spot taking in the heartbreak on my mother face is deafening, my big brother had this crazy notion that he was able to stop me from being the screw up of the family, I finally had the chance to do what they all wanted which was to make them proud and what did I do I created the biggest rift this family of mine has ever been through.

I drop into the nearest chair my body collapsing down like a giraffe, a tangle of lanky limbs on the small seat at our family dining table "I fucked up didn't I mum" I lift my eyes when all I am met with is silence from the one person I have always been able to trust, her small head shake trying to tell me I am wrong but the lack of eye contact telling me she is battling to hide the truth within her, that she purely doesn't want to just say to me that I am a giant fuck up to her and everyone else in my life "I told her to have that abortion mum and now look" I wave my hands around the room "everyone who matters either wont speak to me, is stabbing knives in my back or his raging at the mere sight of me being back here"

I drop my head as I feel the tears rising inside of me again. Shit, how many more tears have I got left to shed over this girl?

My mum joins me at the table, ignoring her empty seat she joins me in the one next to mine "Hero darling, you have made decisions based on your own feelings" she states matter of factually "you wanted this job, you wanted to try and make it all work and you didn't want the baby" her words making my head spin, she is right of course but as I have spent months trying to figure everything out I came to realize that maybe I was just being a scared little bitch instead of being the man I thought I was when I started this whole end game relationship with Emme.

"I just snapped in the moment mum, and I panicked over things back here and how life was going on without me" just the thought of the things I have missed already have a golf ball sized, lump sitting in my throat "and then there was Jo and the bond we were being pushed into forming and the lies over there were catching up with me".

The widening of her eyes tells me she is going to want more details as I continue to rant "and then just when I had finally managed to regain some control, I found out that Em was pregnant and I guess I didn't want to face the reality that everything was about to go wrong".

"How would they have gone wrong Hero?" She questions, she has ignored what I have said about Jo and I am hoping it remains that way but knowing my mum she will be on me later for more details on that.