Forgiveness, Trust & Forever

White Party

The smile on my face has been painted on for weeks now. The ache in my cheeks teamed with the heaviness of my heart and the racing of my mind has managed to successfully aid me in masking the pain that has been ripping through me for since the day I was diagnosed with this cancer.

The reality of it all is my days are running out so fast and although I have accepted it I'm not so sure that everyone around me is going to be ready to accept it even after I am gone let alone now but I need to get myself ready and that means that I need them to finally accept it, so when everyone comes to my place for breakfast in the morning I plan to confirm with them all of my final plans.

I have loved having all my boys back together for the first time this year, tonight has been mostly free from all the drama that we as a family have been battling for that majority of this year. Their girls are a strong part of our family too now and are helping to keep us all on the right track whilst helping each of us to grow into the men we need to be instead of the boys that they first linked up with when our worlds collided together.

The boys have led so many of them from the good girls that they were over to the dark side to join us on a bumpy road out of our late teens over the last few years before we finally all grew to be mature young adults with our futures looking bright together as one big family thanks to Emily introducing us all.

That was of course until I shattered all of their worlds with this god damn illness. This life sucking soul-destroying dream stealing disease.

My family and friends have done everything in their power to achieve as much of my bucket list for me, something that I will go to my grave eternally grateful to them for and owing them a huge debt of gratitude at the commitment they have given to me since last year's diagnosis.

When the girls finished their show, the room had erupted with an appreciative applause, the girls in the audience seemed impressed by the routines that my talented best friend put together and the guy's appreciation was definitely for the tiny costumes and provocative way the girls had lured them in on their final dance around the tables.

The chatter of the lads had been heard as they were already making plans between them all on buying out The Bella Ragazza for opening night.

"Brandon" I bring my attention back to the table of staring eyes "you alright bro?" I nod my head letting Freddie know that everything was ok even though I couldn't be feeling further from alright in this moment "you ready to head out?" he queries.

I take in the bustling of bodies around the vast ballroom saying their goodbyes to one another, when did the party end? I somehow have managed to zone out and missed two hours of my own charity party, how the hell has this happened "umm yeah ok" I stutter, grabbing my glass and gulping down the content praying that finishing off my water will hopefully moisten the inside of my mouth and relieve the worn leather boot feel that is currently controlling me.

With a moistened mouth I make a move to leave the table so that I can go to say my thank yous and goodbyes to the hosts of this amazing party as well as thanking everyone who attended for their generous donations and support tonight.

Standing from my silk covered chair a feeling of dizziness rushes around my brain. I plead with it to settle as I take the first steps from the table finding my way to the dance floor as people hug me as they say goodbye. As I take each step away from the safety of my friends and into the crowd of strangers from the agency my body starts to betray me more, with the blood rushing from my head to my toes, a wave of nausea hits me in the stomach as a cold sweat prickle upon my temple. I swipe my dry tongue over my cracked lips in a desperate attempt to create some saliva for me to swallow. I need to gain some control over this, I need to get home before anyone spots.......

Darkness, just darkness that is all I can see. My heart is racing like a high-speed train in my chest, my brain is trying desperately to work out why my heart is working against the rest of my body. My withering form is ready but my heart just will not stop it won't let me go.

"Brandon" the sweet voice of my guardian angel is singing out to me "we aren't ready for you yet B, its not time not yet, soon but just not yet".

Emily

The room is silent as I return to it, the bodies are gathered in a huddle but there is no sound except one voice, one singular familiar voice.

"Ambulance please" I settle my eyes on the ghost like complexion that has settled upon Freddie's face "my friend has collapsed; he has terminal cancer" the words leave his mouth as our eyes meet.

I move the crowd like I am parting the sea as I force my body through them, my legs feeling like lead weights "move out of the fucking way" I shout at them all "he needs room" why are they all looking at him like he is some sort of exhibition in a bloody museum.

My feet stop at the sight of my best friend on the floor, his body shaking violently as Hero and Titan kneel next to him "everyone out" Sebastian shouts out as the Mboys start to move everyone towards the exit, their eyes full of tears as they create the room their brother needs whilst knowing they must walk away from him to do what is needed.

The muscles under his skin have stiffened as his jaw juts out locking into position, the muscles clearly tightening as the seizure takes full control of his frail body.

A loud high-pitched scream fills the room, my body is encased in thick arms as I begin to lose my balance my vision blurring from the tears before they leave my lower lids and start running down my cheeks "Emme" the deep voice of Hayden coos my name in my ear as he holds me tight to his chest "give him space".

The words from his mouth stab in me like needles as I spin on my heels pushing him away from me "get the fuck away from me" I step back from the embrace he had me in as his hand tries to reach for me "Em, please listen" I cut him off raising my hand in his face "I said go I don't want you here with him" a shadow appears behind me as the warmth of the body tells me exactly who it belongs to "go to the hotel room, go home I don't care where you go just get out of this room"

"Emily let me be here for you" he continues to ignore me, trying instead to keep himself wedged into my world here in London, my life here is not where he should be, this life is mine and Hero's and I don't want him in it.

"She said go" the comforting voice of Hero stretches around me "so I suggest you leave before I have you fucking removed".

The familiar smugness on Haydens face pisses me off "I will go to our hotel room but don't think that changes anything Hero, she is still mine" my temper flares and my hand is wrapped across the cheek of his face before I can stop myself "my friend is unconscious and your using it as a pissing contest between you and him" I wave my hands between the two guys in my life "just go I can't even look at you right now".

I turn my back to him dropping to my knees next to Brandon's now lifeless body as Ti moves him into the recovery position, his first aid training from when Hero suffered his brain injury coming into practice yet again "Em" Titan's voice next to me snaps me out of my dazed focus as I slowly let my eyes meet his "talk to him, let him know you're here with him" I nod my head at him as I watch him whisper to his little brother before guiding him away.

I lay myself down on my side upon the cold ballroom floor facing the pale face of my best friend, the silence in the room now deafening as Hero and Titan stand like guards at the main doors waiting for the arrival of the paramedics.

A deep breath leaves my body as I place the clammy palm of my hand on top of the chilly skin of Brandons "I'm not ready for you to leave yet B, its not time not yet, I know you need to go soon but please just not yet not until you have looked into my eyes one last time and said I love you, not before we can tell each other goodbye, you still need to meet Eleanora, she needs to have a cuddle with her Uncle Brandon" I know that I'm waffling right now but I need him to come back, just for a little bit longer. 

Author Notes ❤

Hey everyone, 

I am sorry for the short chapter, I hope it was ok. 

Let me know what you think of this chapter? and what you would like to see happen in future ones too, and if you enjoyed it then please include a vote.

Much Love Donna-Louise ❤