Forgiveness, Trust & Forever

Hero

Ten questions my big brother had said.

I had feared opening myself up to him would leave me weak and open for him to criticize my life choices all over again but the questions he asked had instead allowed me to be honest to prove to him that I am not messing around when I tell him that Emily is the love of my life, she is my end game, and she has stolen my heart so much so that nothing about me functions unless she is by my side.

Since the moment I left I have not been able to settle into an undisturbed sleep without the help of my herbal sleeping aids or alcohol, and even when I do finally get to sleep my dreams are filled with the beautiful memories of my life with her and of the future we could have had if things were different. On the nights that I am not dreaming of her I am having nightmares filled with the images I never want to see in person, another guys hands all over her body, the blue in her eyes darkened by her blown out pupils as her hands wrap round his bulging biceps, only the guy in my dreams isn't Brandon and I don't know why I am seeing this guy who is completely the opposite to myself but he is there in each and every nightmare bar one.

In the one nightmare that I had just days ago my girl was in pain, she had sweat boring from her brow and she was cussing me out like I had done something to her, but I hadn't caused her emotional pain this time, instead it was a physical pain that she was screaming about, a pain that she was enduring over and over again as she was led out on a bed with the bright glare of strobe lighting beaming down on her before it jumped to her knelt down in the middle of a field of long grass her hands clutching something close to her chest as she sobs uncontrollably about how I did this to her, how I took everything she wanted and destroyed it.

I have no idea what she was talking about but after last nights question and answer confessional with my brother something tells me I need to be spending this next week finding out what could have made me have that dream.

I have spent the whole night going over and over what my brother had said to me last night. My main question was "why didn't you tell me she was getting married before hand so I could have done something to prevent it?

The response I got stunned me "because she didn't get married H" I saw the photos and the ring, hell not one person in my life has told me different in the last month.

The confusion on my face clear to see as I told him I did not believe a word he was saying, why else would they have hidden it for me?

The next words rang over and over in my head even now nine hours later they continue to play on a loop "Hero she was so hurt and upset by your reaction to her pregnancy, Jesus bro we all were" those words that I had not only hurt her but everyone else I care about, that did not sit right with me "Hero you asked her to end the little life, the life that's my niece or nephew. Do you understand how the rest of us could have also been just as angry and hurt by your actions?"

My head had bobbed up and down, I did get what he was saying but that did not change anything they still made me think the girl I love had married my mate, they let me speak to him like that last night knowing the shit I was arguing about was a lie.

Hang on a minute, he wanted to tell me something yesterday, that is why he called me, and he said it was about her. There is something going on with her that he felt was important enough to take me on and to betray her by coming to me because I am nighty nine percent sure she does not want him to be telling me anything.

I clamber off my bed not giving a shit that its only four in the morning, I need to know what they were discussing when I arrived last night, what Brandon had needed to tell me and why after we had left Freddie called Titan and why exactly they continued to chat throughout the evening via text. There is something more to it and I intend to find out what even if I have to hammer on every single door until one of these fuckers starts being straight up with me.