Zanvis || Colors

48

-time skip-

Ive been able to walk around for a few days now. I still don't talk much because ive grown silent, but at least im walking around. I haven't been able to get Zane singing off my mind. It wasn't perfect but it was an improvement from when i last heard him sing.
I got in my dad's nightstand and took out the bottle of codeine, popping one. "Good morning, dad." i whispered.
Youre quiet today, Demon.
"What am i supposed to say? My host is popping pills to feel close to his dad."
And ? Aren't you suppose to be the opposite of me? All edgy and shit?
"I am. Which in this case is being against popping pills!"
F off then..
"fuck you too. If you die then i die hope you know that."

"Travis, can i come in?" I heard Zane ask. I opened the door for him after I put the pill bottle back in the nightstand and sat down on the bed, waiting to see what he wanted. "How are you doing.?" I signed in ASL that i was doing okay. Since we had down time because i stayed at home all day, Zane and i finally learned how to talk to each other in sign.
"That's good to hear.. do you want anything.?"
I signed water. He left to go get some for me. We still weren't super close, but it felt like he was trying super hard to get what we had back.. i just couldn't do it yet. Zane came back with a glass of water and handed it to me, flinching when my fingers accidently touched his hand.
"Im sorry-" He said suddenly. I just stared at him, then took the glass slower. I set it down on the night stand and looked up at him, my voice burned when i spoke but i did. I figured it had been long enough..
".. Z-Zane.. what song were you singing...?"
"W-What-? Oh right the song the other day- its called "Violent". Why.?" He looked shocked that i was speaking.
".. It was about us..?"
"Well.. not really but- i guess it could be seen that way.. im sorry." He looked down, then walked away.
"...when will Gene be back..?" I wanted to take a shower, but wasn't sure if I was comfortable yet with Zane. I saw him stop abruptly in his tracks and look dead inside, like he got shot through the heart.
"I-In about 2 hours.." He said and walked out. I heard the bathroom door slam shut behind him, which made me jump. I realized what I did..
"Travis I don't know what kind of weird rut you're in when taking these pills but youre a dick."
I didn't mean to hurt him.. I just wanted to know.. I was going to take a shower.. I don't trust you around Zane because youre too horny and we're broke up that would be wrong..
"Well be sober for one second and youd know what youre doing! Zane still loves you!"
Im sorry...
I laid there for awhile, not knowing what to do. I tried listening to see if Zane was okay, I didn't hear any crying or noise at all.
(Zane is smoking a cigarette in the bathroom while taking his pocket knife to his arm. Travis really thinks he's that dumb to make noise and give it away he's looking for something sharp? And since when does Zane cry when self harming?)

Gene walked in the door, making his presence known. "Travis, Zane, im here." I walked to the kitchen to greet him. I noticed Zane on the couch listening to his music in his earbuds staring at the ceiling. Zane ONLY stared at the ceiling laying on the couch, all day, until I needed something.
"Zane how long are you going to lay around? Zane? Zane!" Gene said.
"What?" He looked over confused, pulling an earbud out. I could hear the music and it was screamo hardcore rock music.
"Is all you do is lay there while im gone?"
"No, I get whatever Travis needs or wants then come back to my spot." He put his earbud back in. If only he understood im taking codeine to stop the pain and to relax, im trying to love him but it's giving me weird side effects. I get crabby now when im tired, which i didn't use to, and a side effect of codeine is being drowsy. I know because my dad took it to sleep and for his constant headaches...
"...can I take a sh-ower...?" my voiced cracked as I asked Gene. He looked up at me.
"Wow youre making good progress with talking. Yeah you can take another shower. Were you waiting for me?" He asked. I nodded. "Zane would have sat in there with you or watched the door for ya.?" I shook my head no quickly. "We can talk about it in the bathroom.." He said and started the shower. I glanced at Zane on the couch before walking to the bathroom.
I got in the shower and then Gene came in.
"So what is wrong with you and Zane?"
"im not sure.." I tried playing it off. My voice was raspy like I was sick. It would crack every once in awhile too.
"Don't lie to me, Travis. I can read you and Zane like an open book. Something happened between you two the night you went missing. Sorry it might be a touchy subject but you have to talk about it sometime or itll eat you up."
I hesitated but started talking about it, "we got in a fight and i guess split up.. I hurt his feelings by asking when youd be home today. All he does is lay there on the couch looking at the ceiling.." It was a long sentence but I pushed through the voice cracks. I would if I was sick too so I just had to.
"Oh, damn I didn't know that.." He said sounding sorry for me. I didn't care. We split. I guess we were over even though he was still in my life. I didn't want him to leave but I just.. cant deal with that stress of us.
"i appreciate him still being here.. and I probably love him still.. I just cant.."
"It's okay.. maybe youll come around sometime. He loves you a lot, Travis. All he wants is the best for you. And I cant take care of both of you as much as I want to, but he says he's still meditating and doing good. I only assume you can tell if he's lying or not but he seems real about it."
"that's good to hear.." I said and continued with my shower. A few minutes of silence passed. Then I spoke up..
"gene.."
"Yeah?"
"c-can I tell you what happened to me..? like what they did.."
"Of course you can, Travis." He said, I trusted him for some reason. Trusted he wouldn't tell anyone else, not even Dante.
"there were three of them.. I-I..," I started tearing up, not thinking it would be this hard to talk about considering how numb ive still been. I looked down at my feet and thought I saw the brunettes hands on my thighs. I rubbed my eyes and looked away from my legs, my heart racing. I looked back down and didn't see anything. "I can't..." I started crying. 
"That's okay, dont force yourself to tell me every detail. But Travis, you need to go to the doctors.. they could have seriously messed up your insides or have a std.."
"don't tell zane or dante or anyone-" I said suddenly.
"okay I wont but you need to go to the doctors sometime soon."
"You know the fucked up part about you? me, haha- but serious it is. Even though WE were raped I want to fuck Zane still."
I know you do..
"Youre telling me you weren't at all turned on by grabbing his neck and watching him moan while sitting on our lap?"
Demon stop it I don't love Zane-
"Then why are you hard and thinking about him?" I look down to see that I was hard..
Just because I feel lust doesn't mean I love Zane..
saying that made the colors, which were coming back slightly, go dark again. Way dark. 
"Why are you making me feel this way demon?!" i yelled out. it made Gene jump a bit. 
"You okay? What is he making you feel?" He asked curiously. 
"it's nothing.." 
Tell him. 
"No." 
Then i will. 
"Dont." 
"Travis is hard thinking about Zane." Demon spoke for me. 
"Oh.. hey, listen.. i dont want you to develop any type of issues related to sex addiction or trying to seek validation just because of what happened to you.. I also think, that considering what is happening to your body, you should make up with Zane. He came to find you to apologize, and when he found out you were gone he.. looked crazy. He was crying, begging for help. He ran to our house and immediately started searching for you. He does love you, he wants to make things better. I think you should just talk to him.. because you obviously like him too."