Zanvis || Colors

23

[ M a r a t h o n ]

I walked back into the living room and found Lucinda getting super close to Travis.
"Lucinda! Get off of my soon to be boyfriend!" Travis grabbed the couch leaning over so far away from her he was about to fall off the furniture. "Lucinda! that's my boy!"
"Sorry im high.. You can't blame me for my hormones taking over while im high. Also im just testing him out for you, Miss. RoMeave."
I just stood there. "Okay but your definition of testing him out is letting the weed speak and being all over him to see if he's loyal- not happening. And we are not having an orgy ever you hear me? You leave him alone. He is a delicate flower and doesn't deserve that."
"Im sorry Zuzu.." Lucinda said. I gave them all their mac n cheese and we laid around stuffing our faces and watching funny videos. 

---

[ Travis pov ]

Ive never been high before. This new feeling was something I enjoyed a lot. It took away the evil voices, not demon's annoying comments though. No, he just sounded stupid or quiet now. But nonetheless I was getting an escape. Zane was right. This is a great feeling. The only downside is that im starving now.
Lucinda started getting flirty when Zane went to go make us some mac and cheese. I was basically stuck to the couch and Lucinda tried getting really close to me. I started freaking out but no girl has ever even thought about touching me out of her own will. This was all new to me but Zane just kissed me and I wasn't going to let drugs control my sex life again. so I decided I wouldnt let her. I didn't want Zane to be mad at her anyway. Zane came back and scolded her for acting this way, which I thought was super awkward.
When Zane had called me his delicate flower I felt special. But.. I had flashbacks. My mom.. used to call me that..

"Travis Youre such a beautiful boy you know that?" My mom said to me in a soft voice as she put my princess crown on top of my head.
"Really mommy?" I looked up at her.
"Yes, my delicate flower. Mommy would never lie to you. And youre beautiful no matter how you dress or what people tell you."
"Tehe~ Thanks mommy." I said and hugged her.

[trigger: self harm can skip if you want]
After I got done eating I went to the bathroom and cried. I missed my mom. I can't help but feel that my mom's death was my fault. "It's all your fault you stupid bastard. You killed the only person who understood you.." I said to myself and cried. I looked over at Lucinda's trash can and saw that she had thrown away a broken razor.. so I took it and ripped it apart more and took a single blade.

"I deserve to be dead.. not you mom.. I miss you.. you should've stayed.. you should've killed me not yourself.." I cried more and I kept saying I deserved to be dead not her. I placed the blade to my skin, the first time ive ever thought about doing this, and let my emotions take control. It stung, but I deserved it. It was my punishment and I enjoyed how it felt. I did it again. I thought that this was a plenty good punishment. Zane does it, it must work. I did it once more. Plus, what happened to me, i feel so disgusting and stupid how could i let this happen to me? Stupid stupid stupid! It was my fault i didn't stop him from touching me.. my fault. 
"Travis what the hell are you doing man?" Demon sounded panicked. He was right, what was I doing? I actually hurt myself. I texted Zane, I was scared that it wouldn't stop bleeding. Blood triggered my anxiety and I started losing it, hyperventilating on the floor with my arm bleeding slightly bad and i couldn't stop crying. 

[it's mostly over now]

Me: Zane.. i need you. i made a mistake 

Zane: what do you mean? Are you okay? 

Me: im bleeding. i can't breathe. 

Zane: im coming to the bathroom rn. 

I put my phone away and waited. There was slight knock on the door a few seconds later.. It was Zane. He entered and I looked up at him with red eyes and wet cheeks. He kneeled down next to me after stepping inside and shutting the door.
"Can I have that..?" He asked softly. I was frozen, i didn't know how to react. He asked again, "Travis.. can i have that?" He started reaching for it slowly and i let him take it. He wiped away my tears after throwing the blade away. "Can i see your arm.?" I held out my arm and he looked down at it. It wasn't on my wrist.. "Lucinda should have a bandaid down here somewhere.." He started looking threw her cabinets under the sink. He made sure to clean it up and calm me down, then placed a bandaid on it. 
"Is that better.?" He asked and held my hand. He didn't ask why, or what made me do it, he just took care of me. It felt like this is the type of treatment he's been waiting for his whole life and he was giving it to me instead. 
I nodded and leaned into his chest crying more. "Im sorry... I-Im so sorry..I don't want to die but everything inside of me wants to.."
"I know.. It's tough living in this world with what youre going through.. but I promise you it will get better okay.? Ill stay right by your side the entire time. Now what do you say about a nice nap?"
I nodded and took his hand. He led me to Lucinda's bedroom and we snuggled in her blankets. She had a bunch of her toys out and I got scared.
"Don't mind her mess okay? I promises I won't let her use anything on you." He said as he covered me in the blankets. I nodded and snuggled up next to him. He put his arm around me and for the first time in forever I felt safe. I wasn't afraid to sleep, and some part of me felt free.
"Travis.." I heard Zane say softly.
"Y-yeah.?" I answer back sniffling.
"I promise you as long as i am by your side nothing will ever harm you again.."

~~~

When I woke up I found myself in Zane's room. He had all the Marvel movies possible lined up in order and a butt-load of candy and popcorn. I sat up and yawned, stretching my arms out.
"Morning sunshine." Zane said smiling. "Ready for the marathon?"
I smiled and nodded. "I can't wait." I wasn't sure how i got here though, i assume from lucinda's magic again. I didn't care to ask though, i know Zane was trying to keep my mind as distracted as possible to be okay. 

we watched all of the movies and went to bed around 10 in the morning the next day.