Zanvis || Colors

14

[ t e e n a g e   c h o i c e s ]
[ triggers: open talk about self harm, sexual activity, language ]

All my colors were spinning and suddenly turning dull. I was starting to worry and I was hoping that Travis was okay. Knowing what his dad has done to him, and can do to him, is a bit worrying.
"What time is it?" I asked Sasha.
"It's like almost 11:30" Sasha said to me sounding tired.
"Shit. Is it okay if I crash here for the night?" I hated not sleeping in my bed but I couldn't go home stoned and Im sure Travis is fine. Yeah, he must be fine.
"Sure. You can crash in Gene's room if you want."
"Yeah you can bunk with me if you want. I dont bite. Plus we can talk about boy stuff." Gene said giggling right after. his eyes were so squinted he could barley see, actually i could barley see.
"that's gay." Zenix said bluntly.
I just sat there feeling uncomfortable. I wasn't quite sure if Gene was okay with lgbtq of if he was apart of the community so i didnt say anything. If these losers look up to me i cant blow my chance of having real friends.
"Whatever, dickwad. Cmon zane lets get out of here.." Gene pushed Zenix around jokingly and started walking down the hall. I followed him.
"Well, welcome to my cave. You can take whichever bunk you want."
"You just so happened to have a bunk bed laying around for my arrival?" I ask raising an eyebrow.
"Nah, Sasha used to live with her cousins, the twins and toddler slept in here. Thats why theyre small, sorry about that. But its a bed. One day they just got up and abandoned her." Gene grabbed a stack of magazines from under his nightstand.
"Gene dont tell me youre gonna..?" I asked kinda scared for an answer.
"No, no! Were gonna look and talk and gossip." Gene said while climbing onto the top bunk.
"Wait.. what?" I glance down and see a few lingerie magazines and a male model type magazine. This sudden question came to my mind and it was one of those situations that i had no control over what I was saying.
"Gene, are you gay?"
"Bisexual. Arent you trans or something? I saw that snapchat story that lot of people screen recorded from your brother." Gene said looking disappointed almost. Not disappointed with me, but with other people being assholes.
I looked down and got flustered. "You saw that too, huh?"
"Yeah. Im real sorry dude. Ya know Zane, while were talking about you, I remember you used to hide your self harm scars so well.. until recently one day i just saw them all. Do you still do it?"
"I never knew you saw that." I avoided him asking if I still do it. "Do you still do it on your arms?" I ask him, changing the subject, avoiding the question at all costs.
"I am actually getting out of my habits but now im stuck on smoking weed.. unless im out of it then it depends on the situation. So, my dad died when i was younger and it caused my mom to drink and smoke a lot more. So when i was 16 she kicked me out of her place. She told me she couldn't afford to take care of another mistake. She never took care of my dad like she said she did.. she would mentally abuse him, and me, because she actually had bipolar but it would make her the meanest bitch ive ever seen. So he killed himself, after she told him to because his illness was a burden." He paused for a second, "Honestly that's why i self harm still. The shit shes said to me and my dad was unbearable, it's still stuck in my head sometimes. Plus, my dad would do it. So it was hard to not grow up thinking that would stop it all."
i was heartbroken. Knowing what Gene had gone through and hes still alive makes me feel like such a shitty, weak person. Ive been through some shit but his problems are definitely worse than mine.. if i were him id be dead by now. I know i shouldn't compare problems but i couldn't help but feel guilty.
"Im sorry, Gene.. thank you for sharing that with me.." i said looking up at him.
"Its okay. Im sorry for all the stuff thats going on with you.." He said back. We started small talk and then looked at the magazines. A few minutes later he asked me a question.
"Hey Zane, so, if you have boobs, do you have a vagina or a dick?" He sounded legit so I answered, not like the other times where people have made fun of me.
"Well, I have this friend who happens to be a witch and she made this potion for me so that I have a penis but it wears off like every few weeks so I have to keep going back and getting more. Actually i have to go back soon.." I sounded shy.
He hesitated, "Cool. Must be nice to have supportive friends like that." He said. "Wait, Lucinda that graduated a few years ago?"
"Yeah her. I think she'd like you." only a few minutes later of reading and skimming the magazines:
"Oh shit." I said under my breath. But i guess I said it too loud.
"What?"
"umm.. nothing important."
"Haha- me too."
I got this feeling, these thoughts. These inappropriate, sexual thoughts that involved Gene. My body wanted him but it made no sense for me to want him. Ive never been with a guy before. Ive never been with anyone sexually before actually, and it made me think about wanting to experience with male anatomy. Of course as a young teenager, i tried masturbating with my female parts, but it gave me more gender dysphoria than what i was already dealing with.
"Ge-" i started but gene had started saying my name at the same time.
"Za- oh sorry-"
"No go ahead- please i insist. I cut you off.." i said flustered a bit.
"Oh okay- you wouldnt want to have sex would you?"
I paused. Travis wasn't even a thought at this point. I totally forgot he was a person. Well he wasnt a friend to me at the moment anyway, why would I want to be friends with someone who only wants Garroth.. Im not sure why im thinking about him like my sexual affairs would bother him anyway. We aren't dating and we just met.
"Yeah." Is all i could say because i wanted him, wether or not it was for my own male fantasies or because i had a crush on Gene. He jumped off the top bunk and crawled onto my tiny bed. I sat in front of him and lightly grabbed his cheek. "Do you want to kiss or just have sex?" He asked me, so serious yet so stoned everything was funny and straight forward.
"Whichever, i don't- ive never done it." I explained. Without hesitation, Gene grabbed my face and pulled it onto his. I slowly leaned over him and he wrapped his arms around my neck and his leg around my torso. It was hot. We started getting into it. All you could hear was our lips smacking and our slight groans of both of our bodies getting more hot and bothered.
[triggers - sexual part starts]
He leaned close to my ear and whispered sweet things into it.
"I want your huge load in my mouth~ can i eat you?~"
I just rolled my eyes as i felt myself getting harder. Suddenly i found myself forced onto my back and my pants were being unbuttoned and pulled down. Gene's tongue started at the bottom of my shaft and went all the way up to my tip, where he wrapped his lips around it and swirled his tongue. He bobbed his head and all i could think about was how good this felt. Travis wasnt a thought in my head, only Gene was. His thick thighs, sweet taste, his warm tongue around me. My thoughts were overpowered by lust and I started panting as i came without warning. Gene looked up at me and stuck out his tongue as drool and sperm ran off his tongue back onto me. Gene swallowed what was left in his mouth and then continued to lick it off of me which made me moan more because i was sensitive now.
"Okay, okay mercy-~" i moaned out
"Alright, alright." Gene said seductively. That set me off and I started stripping him down. I started kissing his thighs and leaving love bites and hickies. He moaned and i started licking his shaft and giving him a blowjob. "Am i doing okay?" I asked nervously.
"Youre doing amazing~ Keep going." He demanded gripping my hair, and i did. A few minutes later he asked if i would peg him. I wasn't sure if he was being nice or if he was a bottom, but i didn't stop to ask questions. He sucked on my fingers before moving my hand towards his entrance, giving me puppy dog eyes to finger him already. I guess he could tell i was nervous. I started fingering him, making sure to add another finger after a few minutes to get him used to my size.
I held his legs apart and pushed them up until they touched his chest (he said he could handle it). I slowly entered him and he bit his lip to stay quiet. I thrusted into him keeping a decent pace for it being my first time. He was taking my "male" virginity, it felt so nice. I imagine it felt way different with a girl, but i had no desire of having a one night stand with any girl from this school. I image she would have already slept with my brother before, and that was the last thing i wanted.. I ended up getting off the bed and leaning him over the mattress going at him from behind a bit. We hit our heads and struggled moving around because we were on the bottom bunk of a twin sized bed but it was worth it. We both finished, i in the condom because protection is good, and him all over his hand, and just kissed each other like weve been dating for months. We laid there snuggling for a bit in silence after getting wiped off.
[end]
"Hey Gene.."
"Yeah?"
"That was my first time.." i forgot i told him that already.
"Really? I thought it was amazing. Want to get cleaned up? I have my own bathroom." Gene said sleepily.
I looked at him and blushed, remembering that no matter how hard i wanted to be a dude that at heart i was still a female..
"My chest.. i-im not fully a guy..-"
"Its ok.. i can take care of you." Gene got up and went to the bathroom. his mood changed from bottom to dom so quick.
Oh god, i thought, no one has purposely seen my chest. This should be great..

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[ an: i hate this chapter sm, i tried changing it the best i could without totally deleting it.
an part two: edited twice, i think this is the best it's gonna get. ]