Zanvis || Colors

12

[ e n v y ]
[triggers: smoking/drugs, talk of suicide, language]

School is finally over and i am getting the hell out of here. My brother was giving me glances and evil looks all damn day and i know the entire time he was thinking of ways to mess up my day even more. I was half tempted to go up to the top floor and just throw myself over the railing but I dont think i could just leave Travis here. Plus, suicide at school would cause too much attention, especially if i lived.. But i also wanted to show all the assholes who torment me that it was their fault i did it. I went to my locker to gather my things. A few lockers down from mine was a girl named Sasha. She was one out of three idiots who just can't leave me alone. So she grabbed her book bag and walked her happy ass over to my locker with her vape in her hand and a dumb ass smirk on her face.
"Hey Zuzu, what's the long face for?" She asked hitting it. I just looked at her and didn't say anything. "Oh c'mon tell me. It's not like you have anyone to tell anyway." She said again. This time blowing her smoke out and down to the ground. She was lucky the camera systems didn't catch her doing that, then again they're probably broken.
"My brother is bothering me again. Like normal. And now you are bothering me- so what do you want?" I ask her slamming my locker and clicking the lock shut.
"Well, since we are locker buddies and all I was just wandering what you were doing and how you were feeling. Do you wanna hit it?" She pointed her vape out towards me and I just looked at her.
"Seriously? You think that I am going to trust some edgy girl who pushes me around all day with any drugs?" I asked raising my eyebrows. She didn't say anything, just waved it around closer to my lips and smiled. I leaned forward and took a hit from it like i knew what i was doing. I blew it out and started walking down the hallway. To my surprise Sasha followed me, now with Gene and Zenix by her side.
"Hey twinky what's up?" Gene asked me. Twinky was supposed to be some gay nickname they made up for me. They think im some sort of twink, which im not.. Im just trans. I didn't answer, I just kept walking. "Okay Zane you could at least tell us what the problem is. It's no fun when youre this crabby."
I stopped and looked at him. "Why the fuck are you being so nice to me all of a sudden, like you care about my well being? What all of a sudden made you give any fucks about my life or my feelings?" I was honestly confused and filled with rage.
"Woah, woah, calm down there Zane. Actually, were bothering you because we wanted to see if you wanted to hang out with us tonight?" Gene asked me putting up his hands as if he was innocent.
"Me? Hang out with you guys? Ha. Is this some kind of joke?" I said and I actually had a smile on my face. This joke was probably one of the more but less funny pranks they have ever played on me.
"No, were being dead ass. Were gonna get stoned tonight if you wanna get some stress off of your chest." Gene said. Zenix got excited and smirked. The boys started messing around and that was my cue to leave. I turned away from them and Sasha called to me.
"Zane! Hey- wait up. Seriously though. You should come hang out with us. You know we all push you around, but it's because we relate to you. In a way we're jealous of you... you keep going and you dont even smoke or drink, from what we know. To us three you can get over anything without any substances and that takes a lot. And almost the entire school has seen the video of your chest and you cutting yourself.." she blushed a little and hit her vape.
I stared at her and she just looked worried. "You okay.? You look like you're gonna pass out"
"Let me hit that.." i said blankly and quiet. I didn't know Garroth also posted a video of me self harming, but if he sent it to his friends i doubt it stayed between them. She put it in my mouth and was shocked at how hard i hit it. It was a lot on accident. 
"Jesus. You're gonna feel sick better chill out." She kinda giggled. I shrugged. The cloud was everlasting and my throat burned. I didnt say anything though.
"Were gonna get super fucked at our place, kay? We're gonna make you forget about what happened. BOYS! LETS GO!" She yelled at them as if she was their mom.
I started feeling really weak and I fumbled around. "What is in that thing?"
"just 50 nic blue raspberry juice, why?"
"God, getting addicted to nicotine is just what I need now."
We walked out of the school and walked to Gene's car. The inside smelt like cigarettes but honestly wasnt as dirty as i thought it was gonna be. I sat in back with Sasha. Zenix turned the radio up loud. Those two idiots in the front were singing to heavy metal songs and headbanging. Shasha joined in, I looked at her and smiled slightly. She glanced over at me and blushed. I started getting into it and we all started singing and getting louder. It was actually a blast. I didn't know i could have so much fun doing something i enjoyed on my own with other people. Emo to emos, i should have expected them to like the same music i did, or enjoy the same thing or have the same jokes, and for some reason i didn't.
We arrived. I texted my mom so she wouldnt flip her lid.

Me: hey mom. Im hanging with friends and wont be home until later. Love you.

Mom: okay, have fun zuzu! Love you too sweetie!😚❤️

Me: thanks mom❤️

"Okay Zane. This is our place. If you want to change into something more comfortable or something that you can smoke in i wear the biggest size and have plenty of hoodies i smoke in." Sasha said to me.
"Cool, where is your room?" I ask her.
"Follow me." She started walking down the hall and at the end was her room. She opened her dresser and grabbed her black hoodie that had drippy smiley face in tie-dye on it. "Here, bud. Meet us in the living room when youre done."
I nodded and she shut the door. I didnt want to snoop but i did. I took my shirt off and looked at my scar filled body in her body mirror and wondered if she had the same scars. I snooped through her bra and panty drawer. She had some cute stuff in here. I shut them and went to her desk. She had polaroid pictures of her, Gene and Zenix together hanging out. She had some good pictures too. I just put on the hoodie and went into the living room. Zenix had a joint, Gene and Sasha shared a bong. 
"Zane, hit this." Zenix stood up and put the joint in my mouth. I looked at him and he smiled as he sparked the lighter. I inhaled and immediately felt my throat catch on fire. It was much worse than vaping. 
"Hold it. One second more, let go." Zenix said, then he gave me a bottle of water and drank half of it already.
"That was a good hit, b." Gene said to me through coughing. I plopped down next to them in the living room. I hit the bong a few times and the joint about another time, i couldn't feel anything but light and everything was funny to me. I was almost so high that i was blacking out just sitting here. I've never felt this way before and it was just funny that i haven't done this before. I was fine though, everything was fine now.