Zanvis || Colors

38

[ o n l y t u e s d a y ]
[ triggers: talk of self harm a lot, blood ]

Zane walked down the bleachers after i asked him not too. He left his things with me, a juul being one of them. I stuck all of his stuff quickly into my hoodie pocket, afraid someone might see it. He started getting physical and i started panicking. The only thing i could do was call Garroth to stop this...
Garroth showed up and ran over to Zane who was on the ground, laughing at the taste of blood in his mouth.
"Zane what is wrong with you- You're hurt, quit laughing. Get the hell out of here before i take care of you myself." I saw Garroth look down at Zane, then back up at sophomores with anger. They ran off quickly, frightened of the senior. I understood that... It's why i called him, i knew they would be terrified to piss him off.
"What are you talking about it's just blood.. how- how did you get here..?" He asked sounding very shook up. His head was not on top of his shoulders right now. I rushed over to him, kneeling down next to him looking him over.
"Z-Zane how is your hand?" i held his cast in my hands.
"What happened Travis?" Garroth sounded upset, i couldn't tell if it was worry or anger.
"H-He- the jocks- they came over and started making fun of him and us- they called him barcode boy.."
"Christ." Garroth paced, looked over at Zane on the ground, then suddenly crouched down next to him. "We have to tell mom."
"No don't.. we don't need her to worry about me anymore than she is.." He tried sitting up, but was dizzy, i could see it in the way he moved. I didn't know what to say or do, ive never seen Zane get into a fight before. Whatever this anger was was way out of his personality.
"Don't let Garroth know you have his juul in your pocket.." Demon sounded serious. He spoke with a low, slow tone.
I wont.. I had no idea he started doing that. Do you think he got it from Gene?
"Probably. We might want to look into asking him if he knows anything about Zane."
Like what?
"Like why people are calling him barcode boy. As in he has barcode wrists? Cuts? Who knows how bad he has gotten again, Travis. You saw his thighs when he saved you. Garroth knows it too."
"Zane Allister you expect to go back into school without a single person asking what happened to your face? You have to go home."
"Don't you dare try to act like youre my father! I don't want to even remotely remember what having a dad was like- let alone it be you. You are exactly like him." He said getting up, stumbling around like a baby deer. He spit a good amount of blood onto the ground. He still had some rolling down his chin. i felt myself go weak in the knees as my stomach turned to mush.
"Zane i really don't think you should be here.." I spoke up quietly, afraid he might snap at me too. He looked at me with his beaten up face but didn't say anything to me. I could tell he hated that i agreed with Garroth.
"If you wouldnt cut yourself no one would call you nicknames and mom wouldn't have to worry." Garroth grumbled. I couldn't stand to hear them argue again so i just texted Zianna.

Me: Zianna... long story short.. Zane got into a physical fight with some jocks picking on us.. i texted Garroth to come help and now those two are arguing. He cant stand up, his face cheek, eye & lip is busted & bleeding.. i think you need to come get him. He says hes staying here tho as if hes fine.
Zianna: oh jesus lord help us. Im on my way right now. Is he okay?
Me: i think so.. he seems shaken up i think he hit his head on the wall or something.. what should i do?
Zianna: tell the office right away, idc what they both say. The boy who hit him is not getting away with this.
Me: ill do my best..

We walked inside to the lockers, Garroth trailing us making sure he was okay. He acted like nothing happened, like he was in no pain. I still had his vape in my pocket and the anxiety was killing me. I walked into a heavily populated school with teachers in the hallways walking to their classrooms from their lunch break, kids looking at me. I was terrified, like i might go to jail for life if i got caught with it. We made it to the lockers and i saw Zane open his book bag to get his sketchbook, so i threw it in there quickly. I earned a glance from Zane with his bruised eye and busted lip. God his face looked terrible, all purple and red, dried blood on it still.
"Zane.. your m-mom is on her way to get you.." I shyly said, starting to pack my bag because i was not staying here alone.
"I figured." He sounded defeated.
"Are you still cutting..?" I asked quietly. He gave me that same numb glance. He didn't answer, which made me think that was a yes. I left it, not wanting to say another word about it while at school. I think everything happening to Zane recently was starting to unfold, he couldn't keep acting like he was fine all the time. Our names were called over the intercom for the entire school to hear, "Zane RoMeave and Travis Valkrum please come to the office you're being signed out." Everyone around us starred us down, then started whispering once they saw Zane's face. They made it very obvious they were whispering about him. He looked down and continued to the office. We walked in, his mom looked mortified but continued to sign her name on the clipboard, the one excusing us from school.
"Cmon boys.. to the car." She said ushering us out. It was silent all the way too the car, and while getting in her car. She was going to start it but hesitated.
"You can tell me now, Zane RoMeave, or at home." She said, her voice on the verge of sounding angry but mostly as if she would have a breakdown.
"Im alright though." He said looking out the window.
"Zane! You are not alright if you are bleeding!" She yelled back panic clearly in her voice. "If you don't explain anything to me ill just have to ask Garroth. You will lose room time again."
Lose time in his room? To me this immediately sounded like some type of abuse, but if you really think about it there was no way to punish him. You could take his phone away and hed still be fine, i was living with him and he had his art supplies. You couldn't just take away ALL his art supplies, i mean you could try but that would be torture. At some point he said his mom stopped trusting him because he was self harming a lot he couldn't be left alone..
"They were calling me and us names and threatening me so i decided to shut him up."
"ZANE!"
"What? This was the first time i hit someone ever and i did it so unfairly anyway. I back handed him with my cast then punched him with my ring. It didn't even leave a mark barely so i must not know how to fight very well." He explained. It sounded like all of this was a joke to him, everything he did, it didn't matter to him if it was dangerous or not. He sounded more upset with himself about fighting unfairly and still losing than getting in a fight.
"What names were they calling you?" She asked looking at him in her mirror. Zane stayed silent and so was i the entire time. I felt so bad and awkward. As much as getting scolded triggered me, i was about to do the same thing when i walked into his room. Only because i love him, maybe hearing concern come from me will knock some sense into him. "Will i have to ask Travis?" She said to him, he sighed and finally spoke up.
"Barcode boy."
"What does that mean?" She asked. Wow.. such an innocent mother. I would have figured she knew what barcode stood for since Zane...
"A barcode. Ya know, a lot of lines?Theyre making fun of my scars." He sounded upset at this point. "No im not." He said before she even asked.
"I don't want to have to check you.." She said sounded more serious that time. "You know i worry Zane. I cant afford to lose you." She mumbled that last part, this topic was sensitive for everyone.
We parked and walked inside, he went straight to his room in silence. I followed, extremely worried about him.
"Zane.. Zane listen to me. Im just as worried about you as much as everyone else is.. I really think vaping is making you a bit touchy.." I spoke soft extremely afraid he would snap on me. He immediately sat down on his bed, curling up in a ball after throwing his bag on the ground. "I know you hurt yourself the other night while you were in the shower.. do you remember why.?" I sat down next to him, trying not to cry.
He just shook his head no silently.
"Okay.. that's okay it's fine. Can i look at your arms..?" I was serious, but i decided to keep my cool before getting upset, seeing his mood change from annoyed to upset.
"No- youll think im a monster! Some type of ugly monster who hates themselves so much they try to bleed out- And half the time i don't even remember doing it." He started crying, i hadn't ever seen Zane cry. He was always acting so tough for me so i could recover, but his walls were crumbling right now. They have been for awhile. The more stuff that has happened the more they collapsed. "No, no, Zane, i don't think youre a monster or ugly.. i just think you need some time and someone right there with you so you can get better. Now please baby, i won't tell your mom but i want to know how to help.." I said. He clenched his arms tight around his legs. "Zane seriously.. ill make Demon hold you down if i have to. Im going to check your entire body.." I tried saying sternly. I tried to this as nicely as i could, grabbing his hand and trying to pry them away from his legs. He put up a fight, determined not to let me see.
"I don't want you to see my scars- youll think little of me-" He tried pushing me away from him, then curled right back up into the fetal position.
"Zane. I won't think little of you.. Why would I when I hurt myself that one time and you walked in to help me? I have scars too. I don't think theyre ugly I don't think it makes you a freak or weird. I know their back story.. I am giving you one last chance to show me or ill have Demon do it." I was losing my patients with him. I tried telling him kindly.
"Offer him the juul.."
I looked off the the side when Demon was talking with me, a face I guarantee Zane learned by now.
"Do you want your juul?" I whispered to him so his brother nor his mom would hear me ask that. He looked up at me interested. "For a price, you let me check you." Again he stopped and thought but this time he finally agreed to let me check his body. I got into his bookbag and searched for the juul. Once I found it I gave it to him, locked his door and sat next to him on the bed. He puffed on the nic stick and stuck his other arm out for me to look at, scars went all the way up to his bicep. I noticed some recent scratch like wounds by the bend in his arm.
"See is this so bad.? You don't seem to have any serious new cuts which is good.." I said, trying to be positive but it was still concerning. I also didn't know what to say without sounding like a douche bag.
"His arms look terrible."
Not really, don't make me look so concerned, Demon. Theyre just scars- and theyre light at least. He looks beautiful...
"Oh I know that. Do you think he has the blood kink?"
Demon are you serious right now?!
"Yes im serious. I am a kinky mother fucker weather you are or not. And if you have to use my name to threaten him to show you his cuts I don't want to get all horny while im trying to be serious."
"What is Demon saying to you? Does he think im hideous?" Zane's shaking voice snapped me away from Demon's dumb conversation.
"What? Oh no- he isn't saying you're hideous he was asking one of his dumb questions again.. im not sure if you want to kn-"
"Say it or youre a liar." He spat out. He seemed to take this serious. He had it engraved in his brain that everyone thought he was disgusting and it was so upsetting.
"He was asking if you had a blood kink because if I needed him to come out to check you then he didn't want to get turned on when it was a serious moment.." I blushed starting to grab his other arm and push his sleeve up. I couldn't see much because his cast. Zane didn't answer so that concerned me. Maybe he didn't know blood kinks were a thing until now, or maybe he had one and didn't want to say anything about it. "Alright.. show me your stomach.." I said almost hesitantly. I figured it was a bad spot for him considering how much he hated eating sometimes. He stood up and lifted his layers of clothes and I saw a bunch of light colored scars covering his stomach. He had a few knew cuts, maybe from his shower the other night. I was apprehensive to look at his thighs.. that was another bad spot I could tell.
"Umm.. do you want to take your pants off.. or.. ya know what it's fine I wont look there right now. Lets just do some homework so we can chill out, watch a movie, or take a nap." I suggested, he wasn't happy about it but decided to do homework with him. He hit his juul once more before hiding it in his desk drawer.