LITTLE SHEEP|18+

chapter32

why am i updating so often like huh💁‍♀️
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CLOVE TALI
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trigger warning

Today was the second day of this trip. A full official day here in Washington and it was great. I didn't even know how much I loved vacations until I actually went on one. I really wish I would've brought Ivan. He would love this.

I miss him.

So much.

Like when you let go of your favorite balloon ever and you watch it slowly run away from you.

I miss him.

Tears fill my eyes. Gosh I am such a baby.

But I miss him. I have never been this far away from him, I want to hear him tell me about his day, want to hear him laugh.

I didn't even have a phone to call him with, to call Sammie.

A gasp left my throat as I tried to hide my sobs. I wanted to give him a hug, I wanted to see him so bad. I just wanted to go home now. I want to stay but I want to go. I was having so much fun but I just wanted to go home.

I should've brought Ivan.

What were you thinking?

Does he miss you too?

He must hated that you left him.

Just like your parents.

He must hate that you left him.

That you left him and barely said goodbye.

You have been seeing him less and less now, do you think that is fair to Ivan? Do you?

I clutch my head as the tears stain my cheeks.

I shouldn't have left him.

I hiccuped as the anxiety flushed through me.

He must hate me.

I love you Ivan. I love you so much. I would never leave you. I wouldn't.

But you did.

I-I didn't mean to—I-I-I-I realize-

Your so selfish. You left him. Alone.

What?! I-I thought he was at camp with Grace?

You left him.

Another sob leaves my lips as I curl on the floor. I hug my stomach and gasp for air as the tears stream down my face and onto the bathroom floor.

"P-Please, Please, Ivan I love you, I love you." I sob.

"P-Please Ivan please forgive me." I sob. My head is pounding and my breathing staggers and stings. Like I was being stung by a bee. This was one of the tortures itself. The punishment. In a sick way I prefer the physical ones, they would hurt, yes but this left a hole in my heart. This left an empty ache. And I couldn't just leave and see him. I was miles away from him. And it killed me.