Never Really Gone

Chapter 44

Grian's POV

Making new friends after you just lost all your old ones isn't easy.

Hiding behind a mask of upbeat positivity to conceal constant fear and sadness is hard.

Knowing you've left someone you love behind is horrible.

I persist through these emotions, putting up a persona that doesn't exist. Grian: The happy prankster who doesn't have a care in the world. Xisuma and Joe see through this, and admit to often doing a similar thing.

It's mildly comforting to have a friend you can share your trauma with (Key word 'mildly'). The other Hermits seem so nice, but they don't understand what I've been through the way X and Joe do.

I'm dragged out of my thoughts by a gentle tap on my shoulder. Turning, I see Mumbo, who I've ended up being friends with over the last few weeks.

"You ok Grian?"

"Yeah... just a little messed up at the moment"

I'd never tell any of the Hermits about what happened before I came here. X and Joe had made me swear I wouldn't tell anyone I'm a Watcher.

"Grian, can I tell you something?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't know your birthday and it bothers me"

"Why does it bother you?" I ask, confused

"Well, I typically write down the Hermits' birthdays on my calendar, and your's is the only one I don't have. I have very mild OCD and this just annoys my brain"

"Ok?" I reply with uncertainty "Mine is the first of January"

I once again don't think about my birthday bringing up questions I'd want to avoid.

"That's cool! You, Joe and Xisuma all have the same birthday! I didn't know you were an Admin!"

"Um... yeah. It's not really for me I guess"

"That's ok, Joe said the same thing actually. I'm honestly not surprised that X was a born Admin though, he's amazing at his job"

Mumbo seems to just assume we're all Admin, thankfully, and doesn't push the question much further. After a few moments of silence, he speaks up again.

"Your wings are really nice you know"

"I could say the same about your mustache" I respond smoothly, with a slight grin. "By the way... how hard would you say it is to steal someone's facial hair?"

Mumbo looks slightly alarmed, and I giggle

"Hypothetically of course" I lie with a smirk

"I think you've just made me concerned for my own mustache Grian" He sighs, shaking his head and earring more laughter from me

"Good"

There's more silence, and I can feel how awkward Mumbo is right now.

"Um... Has anyone ever told you about Evil X?"

I'm confused for a second before I realise he means Ezra. This conversation has really gone badly hasn't it?

"Um... yeah..."

"To be honest I'm glad he's banned. It was scary knowing there was someone who could easily access the server and hurt us."

"Well maybe he had a reason!"

"I doubt it... he seemed like some asshole who only wanted to hurt people"

I understand that Mumbo doesn't know about my history with Ezra, but I'm still mad. No one, under any circumstances, talks about my boyfriend like that.

"Maybe he doesn't have control over what he's doing! You don't know him, who are you to judge?!"

"Grian I-"

"It's not fair to just decide who he is based off of a few occasions! You never spoke to him! You don't know how messed up he might be!"

I'm crying now, Mumbo desperately trying to apologise. It's not fair on him to lose my shit because of something he doesn't understand. But this is something I still haven't gotten over, and all my trapped emotions are coming out in a rage I can't control.

When I look up again, Mumbo's gone. Burying my face in my hands, I groan. He was only trying to keep up the conversation, it wasn't his fault. I've done stupid things in moments of awkwardness, I should be more understanding.

Too late now though, I've already messed this up.

Xisuma's POV

I'm about to give up on some tricky redstone, when I hear someone repeatedly calling my name. Turning, I see Mumbo, and am thankful for a second. Maybe he can help.

Then I see how distressed he looks, and forget the redstone in concern.

"Mumbo, what's wrong?"

"I think I upset Grian... actually, I DID upset Grian! I didn't mean to, things were just getting awkward and was running out of things to say so I mentioned EX and-"

"You WHAT?! Mumbo you spoon!"

I don't hesitate to grab my newly found elytra and take off toward the beginning of Grian's base, not caring how much I've probably confused my fellow Brit.

Crashing to the ground, I don't care that I probably dented my armour. Grian is huddled in a small ball, crying, and I run over, wrapping my arms around him in a tight hug.

"X-Xisuma I'm so sorry! I think I just hurt Mumbo's feelings and-"

"Hey hey, it's ok Gri. I know talking about Ezra is still a sensitive subject for you... and Mumbo only knows him as a bad person who did try and hurt him. Neither of you meant to upset the other, it's alright."

X gently rocks back and forward with me in his lap, which unexpectedly comforts me. It reminds me of when I was small and my mum used to hold me in her arms to soothe me.

"Grian I- oh... am I interrupting something?"

I look up to see Mumbo's back, and dry my eyes.

"I'm really sorry... I shouldn't have lashed out like that"

"It's ok! I didn't mean to upset you..."

"Grian used to know EX... the three of us have a bit of a complicated relationship" Xisuma sighs, careful not to say too much without my consent.

"I miss him" I whisper, my voice cracking slightly

"I know... I do too" X responds, holding me closer

Mumbo opens his mouth, but hastily closes it again.

"I won't ask" he says quietly "Do you want me to leave?"

"C-can I have a hug Mumbo?" I ask. The Redstoner nods, welcoming me into his arms.

"I won't bring him up again, I promise" he tells me as I pull away.

"Oh gods... I've gotten tears all over your jacket" I mumble "I'm sorry"

"It's ok, I can wash it" he tells me, smiling "Friends?"

"Friends" I agree, smiling too