Without You

Chapter 24

Ashton pov

I lay in Blakes bed for a while just holding her while she sleeps I tried doing the same but couldn't my mind wouldn't stop going we head back home tomorrow well I guess today I wonder what it's gonna be like because I think this trip has changed a lot I mean I'm holding her right now I've kissed her well I've done more than just kissed but that's besides the point what will it be like back there with all our friends and practices and just life in general will I still get to hold her and kiss her or was this just a Texas thing and only a Texas thing forever a Texas thing or is this an otherworldly thing not just a Texas worldly thing these thoughts go on for hours to the point where I'm wide awake and Blake is in a dream rem sleep 

"Ashton" Blake says quietly 

"yes" I answer

 "he's coming" she says thrashing oh she's dreaming 

"it's okay Blake im here" I say pulling her into me tighter

 "Ashton Ashton he's at the door" 

"he can't harm you i'm here" i tell her laying a soft kiss on her temple she settles down and grows quiet and still once more i try and close my eyes and sleep i start to drift off a bit but its like my mind can sense when i'm relaxing and begins again to tell me worrying things i give up and slip out of bed making sure not to disturb Blake i walk out the room and down the stairs the house is quiet i walk through the kitchen i glance over at the stove to check the time 1:12am i walk around the kitchen looking for something to do or eat to no avail i lean against the door frame to the pantry and stare out at the ocean watching the calming waves wishing i could just be as free as those waves having no responsibilities and nobody depending on me like my team does i basically carry them i decide to go out and sit on the deck the stiff cold air hitting me as soon as i open the back door i close it behind me and sit on the couch when i sit down the security light comes on due to my movement blinding me for a second but my eyes quickly adjust i sit there still wondering 

"I have to return to practice Monday that's gonna be fun... the guys will probably want to know about the trip especially since they know about how I feel now what do I tell them? Do I actually tell them what we did well clearly, not the details I wouldn't disrespect Blakes privacy like that... speaking of Blake what the hell are we are we just fuck buddies? Or are we a relationship? I don't want to pressure her to put labels on anything no matter how much I want to call her mine and all mine I don't want to pressure her is she doesn't want the same thing" I hear the door open and look over to see blake sliding the door open and looking around confused

 "oh it's you" I say making her jump a little bit 

"Sorry didn't mean to scare you" I say

 "there you are. Why'd you leave?" she asks

 "couldn't sleep" I tell her

 "how long have you been out here" she asks me

 "10-20 minutes maybe" I say 

 "oh so not that long" she says

 "Yeah. how long have you been awake" I ask her  

"5 minutes maybe" she says

"so my leaving didn't wake you" I ask her  

"no, I don't know what did" she says

 "Why couldn't you sleep" she asks me

 "guess I'm just nervous" I say 

"nervous about what"  she asks me 

"school,racing,life,you,me" i say 

"what about you and me" she asks

 "I don't know maybe that when we go back to school things won't be the same as they are here" I say

 "well what are things here now" she asks me 

 "I don't know Blake what did you call it a situationship" I say in a mad tone 

 "Ashton I was just saying that to caroline what we have is just complicated" she says in defense  

"why is it complicated Blake"

 "because of you and me and josh and our moms and our friends and" she pauses "Vivian" 

"the only people that matter in this equation is us you and me" I tell her

 "not josh or Vivian?" she asks me 

"well clearly I don't want to hurt Josh but it's what you want that's what he told Lucka and Vivian doesn't matter" I tell her 

 "what do you mean told Lucka" she asks 

 "he asked Josh if he could ask you out and Josh said it's untimely up to you" I tell her  

"really Josh really said it's up to me who I date" she says in disbelief  

"well josh said no but then he said it was up to you" I say

 "well then" she says leaning over and kissing me on the lips her soft lips touching mine makes me become putty in her hands

 "Does this mean" she starts to ask but I cut her off 

"it doesn't have to mean anything Blake" I say kissing me again

 We just sit and talk for the next hour about our life shared memories "remember in freshman year of high school when all the parents went out of town" I ask her

 "oh my god yes that was so embarrassing" she says 

"so you remember" I say

 "How could I not I was a total idiot for doing that" she says 

"that's the moment I knew" I tell her

 "knew what" she asks 

"that I wanted this" I say gesturing between us

 "you" I tell her I see a small smile appear on her lips 

"so you weren't totally repulsed by me" she asks 

"How could I be it was wow" 

"so if you liked me then why didn't you say anything why'd you date all those girls" she asks me

 "the same reason I can't yell it right now Josh and I only dated all those girls to make you jealous" I admit

 "well mission accomplished"

 "you were actually jealous?" I question

 "yeah I had like the biggest crush on you all throughout high school" she tells me making me hesitate 

I genuinely had no idea I then get up on the cushion I was just sitting on and yell "I LIKE BLAKE STONE!" I look down at Blake laughing at my outburst 

"omg Ashton" she says pulling me down

 "what" I ask

 "you're ridiculous" she says to me with a smile

 "only for you baby" I say pulling her into me.