Brittana- Invisible String

Chapter 54

AN: So you guys were interested in a couple of POV chapters. I assure you there is a Mila POV coming up soon, and a Britt one also, but for now enjoy a Santana POV. As always, your comments and thoughts are always welcomed and appreciated.

Thanks so much for reading. This fic has given me something to focus on after Naya's tragic passing, and reading how much you love it brings me a lot of light.

Miss you Naya X

Santana's POV

I was falling. I had already fallen, years ago, but I was somehow falling even harder. But the more in love I fell with her, the harder our long-distance relationship became. I was so secure in us, in our future, and you might think that would make the distance a little easier. I knew the strength of Brittany's love for me, so I didn't need to worry about her cheating on me or anything like that, or panic that I wasn't going to see her for a long time, because I knew that we'd always find a way. But despite all that, with each goodbye, it got harder. Fall hard, love hard, feel hard.

It was the little things. The fact I had to imagine her arms wrapped around me on her night telling me she loved me before we closed our eyes, her lips lightly brushing against my forehead in the middle of the night when we were both half asleep, the way she would tell me that a text I'd sent her made me smile, but I wouldn't get to see that smile.

All I wanted was the bare minimum. Instead, we had to live half our lives through a phone, iPad, or a computer screen. We couldn't live each day with each other, we could just hear about them instead, and whenever she would tell me about her day, I'd ask her to tell me as much detail as possible. Because when she told me something minimal like the fact she had tomato soup for lunch from a small café near the theatre, I wanted to visualise her sitting in that café.

"Tell me what the café looked like inside Brit?" I'd ask her, and she'd willingly explain, because she'd caught on by now as to why I did this.

She had her own ways of coping too.

"Just look at the gaps between your fingers, San. Remember that in those spaces, my fingers are locked there forever" she told me one night, and that's exactly what I'd do.

It was our new version of staring at the stars, something we'd always done during our years of long-distance, when Brittany had first moved to New York. Now that we were together, the stars just didn't cut it anymore, so instead I'd stare at my own hand and try my best to imagine the feeling of her warm hand locked in mine. Life was better than it had ever been, knowing she was mine, but it felt like I was living a double life. Half my heart was here, the other half was there, but I would have suffered it all just to be with her. I knew we'd make it through.

The feeling I got from our last goodbye after our weekend in New York was the worst one so far. I tried so hard for all our sakes to keep my emotions in check, but it was no use. I'd been quiet all morning, and the minute we got in the car for Brit to drive us to the airport the floodgates opened. I did exactly what I had intended not to do and upset Mila in the process.

"Mama, can't we just stay here with Aunty Brit? We don't even want to go back!" she wailed, letting out tears of her own.

I could barely answer her because I was in a flurry of my own emotions, and poor Brit just kept one hand on my knee reassuringly as she used the other to drive, while checking on Mila in the rear-view mirror. She did her best to calm us both, but I could tell she was getting upset too, as much as she was trying to hold it in.

When we pulled up at the airport Brittany simply cupped my cheek for a couple of seconds, her eyes sad as I tried to compose myself. She gained composure before I did and went into autopilot, giving me a much needed few extra minutes to collect myself.