Brittana- Invisible String

Chapter 57

Hello!! Just wanted to pop on here to stay Invisible String turned 1 this weekend! A whole year of writing this story, it's crazy, and I can't believe some of you have stuck around for this long. I hope you continue to enjoy their story, and as always, I wanna say thank you for the reviews and love.

- xx

Santana was awoken early on the morning of her 30th birthday; to soft kisses being peppered all over her face. She scrunched her face up in protest, too tired to instantly appreciate the gesture, causing Brittany to giggle quietly. Santana was such a heavy sleeper usually, so Brittany hadn't intended to waken her.

"Sorry baby, I just couldn't resist. I had to make sure I appreciated you right on time because exactly 30 years ago today, you were born, and I couldn't be more grateful for that."

Rubbing the sleep from her eyes and beginning to feel more alert, Santana glanced over at the clock on her bedside table, observing it was indeed 5:34am. She felt her heart flutter at the fact Brittany remembered that and turned back over to greet her with a kiss.

"Hi" she whispered, feeling slightly guilty for not being quite as chirpy when she was first woken up.

"Hi yourself, birthday girl. How does it feel to be thirty?"

At this Santana scrunched her face up once more.

"Man, I feel old as fuck, I already felt it last month on Mila's birthday, just knowing I have an 11-year-old, but now I've officially left my twenties. Gross!"

"You're not old honey" Brittany assured her, not being able to resist another kiss on Santana's nose "Far from it! More beautiful every day though? That I'll agree with."

Santana grinned shyly, before bringing her eyes to meet blue again.

"You know what else today is?"

"12 years since our first kiss." Brittany whispered "You remembered."

"I may not physically remember it, but ever since you told me, I'll never let myself forget it."

"Imagine if someone had told us back then what we'd go through to finally end up with each other. I don't think we would have believed them" Brittany giggled, Santana joining in with the quiet laughter, both of them careful not to wake Mila.

"I know. And I know that we're happy now and I'm so grateful we're here but...sometimes I can't help think about all the "what if's", you know? Like what would have happened if I remembered. Taking away the Mila of it all, because I know neither one of us could imagine life without her, I wonder what it would have been like if my first time would have been with you. Because that's probably what would have happened, isn't it? Maybe not that night because we were both wasted, but if I remembered the morning after, we probably would have gotten together and my first time would have been with you. It would have been special."

"But that doesn't matter now, San. Just like I told you back then, your first time doesn't define you. It physically hurt to see how pained you were that night, how Puck just left you so upset and scared, and how he made no effort to love you the way you deserve to be loved. I remember thinking even back then that if it were me, and if I'd had that honour to show you love in that way, I would have done it so different. But I hope I show you now when I make love to you, just how incredible you are, and treat you how you always deserved to be treated."

"You do" Santana nodded assuringly, placing a soft peck against Brittany's lips "And it's not that I think about it deeply often, but I think the way I lost my virginity messed me up more than I realised. For years I saw sex as just a way to try feel good about myself, but ended up feeling the opposite. All this validation I was trying to seek from men, when really I was warring with my feelings, and ignoring who I was inside. All the years pretending to be something I'm not when I could have been happy with you all this time, a person who makes me feel confident and not full of doubts. I spent years feeling like I wasn't good enough and didn't deserve real love, all because of that one night with Puck. It's probably why I didn't figure out my sexuality until later in life, and why I didn't realise my feelings for you earlier. It's like we were destined to be together as teenagers, and for whatever reason we weren't, but I can't help think about what it would have been like if we were. I probably would have been a whole different person."