Brittana- Invisible String

Chapter 14

It was the day Santana would have been flying to New York, and she couldn't stop thinking about it. She also couldn't stop thinking about Brittany. She missed her so much, and she was riddled with guilt over everything. She felt bad for ignoring her, she felt bad for naively thinking she could give birth to a child, put her up for adoption and move to New York and never look back, she felt bad for lying to her about her pregnancy, she felt bad for everything.

Mila was two weeks old now, and she hadn't left the house since she had been born, but she knew she needed to get out today and take her mind off what life could have been. She was scared she'd bump into someone she knew, because hardly anyone had known she was pregnant, never mind now had a child. However, she knew most of her school friends had left Lima for college. She didn't regret Mila one bit now she was here, but she wished she was doing the same.

As she pushed the stroller along, she thought about Brittany and how she was going to sort this mess out. She was knee deep in the biggest lie ever. The moment she had decided to keep Mila, was the moment she had started to push Brittany away, because the alternative was telling her everything. The longer you lie to someone, the harder it is to tell the truth, and that's how it felt with Brittany. How could she suddenly turn around now and say, "Sorry I'm not coming to New York in two weeks anymore to live our dream life that we've planned since childhood, because I now actually have a baby that I never told you about".

What made it worse, was that she knew Brittany hated lying. What if she hated her because of it? Santana didn't think she could handle that. She'd had the nerve to fall out with Brittany before over 'keeping secrets from her'. That was nothing compared to this, and Brittany hadn't lied, she just hadn't told her.

Another thing that worried her, was the way the news would disappoint Brittany. It was the reason she hadn't told her from the beginning. She knew New York was a shared dream they had together, and the minute she told Brittany she couldn't be a part of that anymore, was the minute she'd be killing Brittany's dream too. She felt sick at the thought of upsetting and disappointing Brittany, but surely what she was doing now was just as bad.

She didn't really have a plan; she was just making it up as she went along. First she had feigned sickness, but then Brittany had text her saying she was really worried about her. She couldn't have Brittany worrying, so she assured her she wasn't sick anymore. But then Brittany had asked to speak to her, and she couldn't. So since then, she had reluctantly ignored her, and it was killing her. She knew she couldn't go on like this for much longer, for both their sakes. She missed her best friend, and she knew Brittany would be going crazy with worry as well, wondering what she did wrong. She had always promised to protect Brit, but now it felt like she was the one hurting her the most.

It was lie after lie that had got her to this point, and she felt smothered by it all. She couldn't help but wonder how different things might have been, if she'd just told Brittany the truth that day nine months ago, when they sat in the Lima Bean on the day Brittany got her acceptance letter for Juilliard.

Her thoughts were broken by the sight of a face she hadn't seen in months.

It was Sam.

She couldn't have anyone from school knowing about Mila. Not yet. What if he told Brittany? She was sure they didn't speak anymore but...she knew he was hurt by Brittany leaving for New York. She didn't ever think he was her biggest fan either. Maybe he'd tell her out of spite.

She ducked down behind the stroller, but this of course only drew more attention to her. She felt like an idiot.

"Santana?"

Shit, shit, shit!

She pretended to tie her shoelaces, as she felt him edge closer, until suddenly he was there in front of her.