Who Wants To Live Forever...

I Can't Face This Life Alone - Part 1

30th December 1984

Ibiza

Roger's POV

I couldn't bring myself to get excited about buying a boat. Not being with Brian here had literally taken the wind out of my sails. I spent most of the first day in Ibiza in bed. Alone and feeling sorry for myself as Dom and Mia took Tiger Lily to the beach and Mum and Trevor visited a museum. I joined my family for dinner that night in the hotel restaurant and tried to act more alive for their sake.

I managed to get up the next day and we all went shopping and then to the beach to relax and swim. The warm sun and refreshing water lifted me a little. So did my daughter frolicking in the sand and enjoying herself despite our family being torn apart. She seemed more resilient than me. Maybe it was because I am older. Where did my twenties go? I was feeling every bit of 35 right now. I hated it. The daytime hours kept me occupied and busy. A distraction from missing my husband and my son. When the evening arrived and everyone headed for bed, a restlessness took over me and I found myself awake late into the night and taking refuge from my empty bed by sitting on the balcony outside my room.

A knock on the glass door startled me and I turned to see Mia standing there peering at me through the glass. She opened the door and stepped out onto the balcony.

"Did I frighten you?" she asked me. I shook my head and tried to smile for her. I quickly took a drag from my cigarette to avoid an actual grin.

"You're up late..." I remarked as she took a few steps and sat down in the chair next to mine. They looked out on the beach where there were still people walking near the water's edge in the low light emitted from the torches they carried. 

"I could say the same of you..." Mia countered. I could see her concerned expression in the moonlight. I forced a smile to make her feel better and smashed out my cigarette.

"What's on your mind?" I asked as I could tell she wanted to talk. She looked intently at me.

"I just needed to know something..." she stated. "Since you and Brian can't be together...you're going to be with Dom...aren't you?" she inquired. I always found Mia to be an astute person. This time proved no different. I saw no point in lying to her.

"It will probably turn out that way..." I said back as she nodded slightly. "Just so you know...Brian and I talked about it...he knows and he's okay with it..." I explained. "Just like I'm okay if he gets with Chrissie..." I added and felt like I was somewhat lying in that moment. But the situation is what it is so I couldn't waste my time being jealous over it.

"Can I ask you a personal question?" she said next. I'd known Mia for quite a while now and she was discreet and a loyal employee. She had also grown to feel more like a little sister in a way than just a nanny.

"Of course you can..." I replied. She seemed to hesitate for a moment.

"Are you going to have more children?" she asked me. I understood why she was asking. With me being with a woman, the likelihood of a child existed. With Mia being a nanny, this impacted her directly.

"If I did would that be a problem for you?" I questioned back. She quickly shook her head and formed a tiny smirk. Not being able to hide the fact she wouldn't mind at all.

"No..." she confirmed. "I guess I just wanted to know if you were...since I am a nanny and with Tigs getting older...she doesn't need me as much as she used to..." she explained to me. I smiled at Mia.

"Dom does want to have a baby...one of her own..." I revealed. "I am going to give her one...but I am not sure if that means she's going to live with us and you would care for it while we work..." I said honestly. I hadn't discussed that much with Dom yet so I couldn't say what her plan was.